Saturday, May 7, 2011

Happy Mother's Day - to all!

Let's face it: Mother's Day can be tricky.  The Saturday before Mother's Day is traditionally Birth Mother's Day. Then...Mother's Day.  Yet for some reason, some of us, as adoptive mothers, relegate ourselves to second place as mothers, feeling that the birth mother really deserves to  be placed on a pedestal. 

She does.  On  many levels.  But so do we , as adoptive moms. 

I had an interesting conversation several years ago with Donna, the director of Heart to Heart, and an adoptive mother to 3 boys. She said something along the lines of, "When can I just be the mom, and quit feeling like I have to always acknowledge birthmothers first?"    If you're an adoptive mother, you understand these feelings completely and without judgement.

We are the menders of hurt, the mothers who make our children whole enough to understand losses.   Like everything of value, we need to brokerthis valued child and his/her adoption, support it, risk manage it… and at the end of the day wear it with pride. We are the mother s who heal.
It seems like we, as adoptive mothers, should take time to celebrate ourselves as mothers!  We are the mothers making our children at home with themselves. We are the means (when our children grow up) for our children to connect to what was, what might have been, and what may be.  We empower our children to make relationships and connections in the world.  And perhaps more importantly we empower them to look for routes out and on from “who they have been nurtured into being” as opposed to the roots from where they came. By celebrating roots, we give them their wings.

So go ahead, enjoy Mother's Day. You've waited a long time for this day...and you're now a mother.

Happy MOTHER'S Day!

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