tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33629057303717082372024-03-05T16:08:01.378-07:00Heart to Heart AdoptionsBringing hearts together
/Call: (877) 437-3424
/Text: (801) 563-1000
/Our site: hearttoheartadopt.comHeart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.comBlogger117125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-6236130563810152612021-12-17T10:58:00.000-07:002021-12-17T10:58:03.883-07:00Recent Placement--So Hard. So Wonderful.<p> <img alt="You are currently viewing Recent Placement. So Hard!! So Good!!" class="attachment-full size-full wp-post-image" height="2560" itemprop="image" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 1920px) 100vw, 1920px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-scaled.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-scaled.jpg 1920w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-225x300.jpg 225w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-768x1024.jpg 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-240x320.jpg 240w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle; width: 1060px;" width="1920" /></p><header class="entry-header clr" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto 0px; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><h2 class="single-post-title entry-title" itemprop="headline" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(241, 241, 241); border-bottom-style: solid; border-image: initial; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: initial; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: initial; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: initial; border-width: 0px 0px 1px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: Raleway; font-size: 34px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: 0.6px; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 15px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Recent Placement. So Hard!! So Good!!</h2></header><div class="entry-content clr" itemprop="text" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65208 alignleft" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 274px) 100vw, 274px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-2-274x300.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-2-274x300.jpg 274w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-2-934x1024.jpg 934w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-2-768x842.jpg 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-2-1401x1536.jpg 1401w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-2-1867x2048.jpg 1867w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-2-292x320.jpg 292w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="274" /><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Twenty-five birth mothers looked through the Carter’s family profile. Twenty-five times, the birth mother decided the Carter’s weren’t the family to raise the unborn child.</span></h3><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">“We had been waiting a year and a half,” Kelsey Carter said. “Jackie finally saw our profile book and wanted to have a phone call.”</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65212 alignright" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/our-profile-book-was-shown-35-times-during-our-first-adoption.-200x300.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/our-profile-book-was-shown-35-times-during-our-first-adoption.-200x300.png 200w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/our-profile-book-was-shown-35-times-during-our-first-adoption.-683x1024.png 683w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/our-profile-book-was-shown-35-times-during-our-first-adoption.-768x1152.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/our-profile-book-was-shown-35-times-during-our-first-adoption.-213x320.png 213w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/our-profile-book-was-shown-35-times-during-our-first-adoption..png 1000w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="200" />Kelsey describes the call as “Nerve-wracking beyond compare. You want the birth mom to really get a sense of who you are but have no idea how to really do that in a 15-20 minute phone call. It’s also beyond exciting because it means someone saw our profile book and liked it enough to want to take it a step further.”</p><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Just because the Carters were familiar with the process, as this was their second adoption, the emotions still ran deep.</span></h3><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">“Our profile book was shown 35 times during our first adoption,” Kelsey admitted. “But,” she continues, “There was also a sense of peace when you feel like this could be the one. I had this overwhelming feeling that this baby was going to be raised in our home, and Jackie would be a part of our family forever.”</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">During the first call, Kelsey knew the birth mother was a little nervous, but the conversation became more comfortable as they talked.</p><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65213 alignleft" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/we-felt-like-we-were-already-200x300.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/we-felt-like-we-were-already-200x300.png 200w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/we-felt-like-we-were-already-683x1024.png 683w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/we-felt-like-we-were-already-768x1152.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/we-felt-like-we-were-already-213x320.png 213w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/we-felt-like-we-were-already.png 1000w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="200" />No one ever knows what to say or how the birth mom is really feeling, so letting it be as natural as possible is always best. Don’t force it.</span></h3><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65210 alignright" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-225x300.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-225x300.jpg 225w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-768x1024.jpg 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-240x320.jpg 240w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-1-1-scaled.jpg 1920w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="225" />“She chose us, and we had about a 7-8 week match before the baby was set to be born. We talked almost every week, getting to know her and more about her other two kids. We learned what she likes to do and what her family is like. We’ve had friends who have adopted and walked into the hospital in an almost blind date-type situation where they haven’t been able to form a relationship with the mom at all. Our case was totally different. We felt like we were already family. We felt a love for her and her other two children.”</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65209 alignleft" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-3-225x300.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-3-225x300.jpg 225w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-3-768x1024.jpg 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-3-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-3-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-3-240x320.jpg 240w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/kelsey-3-scaled.jpg 1920w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="225" /><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65218 alignright" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/originally-she-thought-200x300.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/originally-she-thought-200x300.png 200w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/originally-she-thought-683x1024.png 683w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/originally-she-thought-768x1152.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/originally-she-thought-213x320.png 213w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/originally-she-thought.png 1000w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="200" />“Originally, she thought she wanted a closed adoption,” Kelsey said about the birth mother. “We told her to pray about it and that we would always follow her lead and her desires, even if they were to change in the future. She ended up changing her mind the following phone call and said she wanted an open adoption. It’s been the absolute best! We saw her two times after hospital discharge before we were cleared to fly home, and those times were so special. Now we still text several times a week.”</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65221 alignright" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/every-kid-needs-1-200x300.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/every-kid-needs-1-200x300.png 200w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/every-kid-needs-1-683x1024.png 683w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/every-kid-needs-1-768x1152.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/every-kid-needs-1-213x320.png 213w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/every-kid-needs-1.png 1000w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="200" />“My husband and I have come a long way,” Kelsey referred to the beginning of their adoption journey when they felt that adoption would mean having to “share” their kids with a birth mom. “I don’t feel that way at all now. Not at all. Every kid needs love, and as much as possible. They should get that love from their adoptive parents and the birth mother (if possible).” Kelsey said. “You need to be adopting for the right reason.”</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65217 alignleft" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/for-your-childs-sake-you-1-200x300.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/for-your-childs-sake-you-1-200x300.png 200w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/for-your-childs-sake-you-1-683x1024.png 683w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/for-your-childs-sake-you-1-768x1152.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/for-your-childs-sake-you-1-213x320.png 213w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/for-your-childs-sake-you-1.png 1000w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="200" />Unquestionably, the hospital staff recognized the love Kelsey and her husband had for the birth mother. Several times the nurses commented on how loving and attentive the adoptive parents were to the needs of Jackie.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Kelsey feels strongly that adoptive mothers need to strive to foster an openness with the birth mother. “For your child’s sake, you need to be completely accepting, unbiased, and not judge. The only time you should cut off contact is for the safety of the child.”</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Adoption can be very hard for all parties involved, but it can also have so much good. So much.</p></div>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-50607354368476562362021-12-17T10:56:00.002-07:002021-12-17T10:56:41.582-07:00Adopted Child Says Thank You to Birth Mother<p> <img alt="You are currently viewing Thanks for Placing Me for Adoption, I love you." class="attachment-full size-full wp-post-image" height="1080" itemprop="image" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 1080px) 100vw, 1080px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-8.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-8.png 1080w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-8-300x300.png 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-8-1024x1024.png 1024w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-8-150x150.png 150w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-8-768x768.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-8-320x320.png 320w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle; width: 1060px;" width="1080" /></p><header class="entry-header clr" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto 0px; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><h2 class="single-post-title entry-title" itemprop="headline" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(241, 241, 241); border-bottom-style: solid; border-image: initial; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: initial; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: initial; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: initial; border-width: 0px 0px 1px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: Raleway; font-size: 34px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: 0.6px; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 15px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Thanks for Placing Me for Adoption, I love you.</h2></header><div class="entry-content clr" itemprop="text" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65545 alignleft" height="251" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-300x251.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-300x251.png 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-768x644.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-320x268.png 320w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother.png 940w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="300" /><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Dear Birth mothers,</span></h3><h2 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-underline-offset: 3px; transition: all 0.3s ease 0s; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I was adopted.</span></a></h2><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">The woman who gave birth to me took newborn pictures of me, held me for three days, placed a bow in my hair, and then handed me to a social worker. Within a few hours, my adoptive parents straightened the bow and started taking their own set of pictures.</p><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65546 alignright" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-1-200x300.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-1-200x300.png 200w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-1-683x1024.png 683w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-1-768x1152.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-1-213x320.png 213w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-1.png 1000w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="200" /><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Do I resent being part of this process—carried to term by one woman, raised by another?</span></h3><h1 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 23px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">No.</span></h1><h1 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 23px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Not at all.</span></h1><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">The first mother helped me find a home where I would have opportunities. Twenty years later, the second mother helped me find my biological family. I know them all. How wonderful to know so many people in the world. And how amazing is it to have so many connections with other people?</p><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I want to talk to birthmothers—especially you birth mothers who feel guilty.</span></h3><h1 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 23px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Stop.</span></h1><h2 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It’s okay.</span></h2><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes, there are things about being adopted that are hard. But there are things about adoption that are pretty great, too.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65547 alignleft" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-3-200x300.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-3-200x300.png 200w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-3-683x1024.png 683w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-3-768x1152.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-3-213x320.png 213w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-3.png 1000w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="200" /></p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">I read a blog written by a birthmother where she begins by apologizing to a child she placed for adoption.</p><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The blog begins: “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.</span></h3><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’m sorry for your pain. I’m sorry if I caused it, even inadvertently. I’m sorry life is so rough.”<img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65548 alignright" height="251" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-4-300x251.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-4-300x251.png 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-4-768x644.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-4-320x268.png 320w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-4.png 940w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="300" /> </p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">I appreciate a mother who is concerned for her child.</p><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">But please, birthmothers, for most of us adopted children, life isn’t that rough.</span></h3><h2 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m happy.</span></h2><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">I gained strength from the rough parts.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m glad that I have so many different components that makeup who I am.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">I have learned to love so many people.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m 25-years-old, and I am really grateful for the life I’ve lived.</p><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m even more grateful that my birth mother was open to having a relationship with me when I was ready.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65549 alignleft" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-6-200x300.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-6-200x300.png 200w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-6-683x1024.png 683w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-6-768x1152.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-6-213x320.png 213w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-6.png 1000w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="200" /></h3><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Birth mothers, I recognize what strong, incredible people you are for going through a pregnancy and giving birth to a kid like me.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-65550 alignright" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-7-200x300.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-7-200x300.png 200w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-7-683x1024.png 683w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-7-768x1152.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-7-213x320.png 213w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/thank-birth-mother-7.png 1000w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="200" /></h3><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Thanks,</h3><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">I love you,</h3><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Lexie</h3></div>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-66717337561365713582021-12-17T10:52:00.002-07:002021-12-17T10:52:48.684-07:00Birth mother didn't want her baby taken to foster care.<p> <img alt="You are currently viewing Birth Mother Wanted to Decide" class="attachment-full size-full wp-post-image" height="1992" itemprop="image" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 2560px) 100vw, 2560px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-1-scaled.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-1-scaled.jpg 2560w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-1-300x233.jpg 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-1-1024x797.jpg 1024w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-1-768x598.jpg 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-1-1536x1195.jpg 1536w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-1-2048x1593.jpg 2048w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-1-320x249.jpg 320w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle; width: 1060px;" width="2560" /></p><header class="entry-header clr" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto 0px; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><h2 class="single-post-title entry-title" itemprop="headline" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(241, 241, 241); border-bottom-style: solid; border-image: initial; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: initial; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: initial; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: initial; border-width: 0px 0px 1px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: Raleway; font-size: 34px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: 0.6px; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 15px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Birth Mother Wanted to Decide</h2></header><div class="entry-content clr" itemprop="text" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-66280 alignleft" height="258" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-in-front-of-heart-to-heart-adoptions-300x258.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-in-front-of-heart-to-heart-adoptions-300x258.jpg 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-in-front-of-heart-to-heart-adoptions-1024x881.jpg 1024w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-in-front-of-heart-to-heart-adoptions-768x661.jpg 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-in-front-of-heart-to-heart-adoptions-1536x1321.jpg 1536w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-in-front-of-heart-to-heart-adoptions-2048x1762.jpg 2048w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-in-front-of-heart-to-heart-adoptions-320x275.jpg 320w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="300" /></h3><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Mental health issues have plagued Krista* all her adult life.</span></h3><h2 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Through these struggles, four of her children were placed in foster care/adopted.</span></h2><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Krista understood her health prohibited her from adequately caring for the growing youngsters. This recognition didn’t alleviate the sorrow of not having a say in who would raise her offspring.</p><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-66281 alignright" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 257px) 100vw, 257px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-and-new-baby-in-the-hosptial-putting-braclett-on-257x300.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-and-new-baby-in-the-hosptial-putting-braclett-on-257x300.jpg 257w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-and-new-baby-in-the-hosptial-putting-braclett-on-878x1024.jpg 878w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-and-new-baby-in-the-hosptial-putting-braclett-on-768x895.jpg 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-and-new-baby-in-the-hosptial-putting-braclett-on-1317x1536.jpg 1317w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-and-new-baby-in-the-hosptial-putting-braclett-on-1757x2048.jpg 1757w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-and-new-baby-in-the-hosptial-putting-braclett-on-274x320.jpg 274w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-and-new-baby-in-the-hosptial-putting-braclett-on.jpg 1875w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="257" /></h3><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-66282 alignleft" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 231px) 100vw, 231px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-car-seat-231x300.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-car-seat-231x300.jpg 231w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-car-seat-789x1024.jpg 789w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-car-seat-768x996.jpg 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-car-seat-1184x1536.jpg 1184w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-car-seat-1579x2048.jpg 1579w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-car-seat-247x320.jpg 247w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-car-seat.jpg 1874w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="231" />This sorrow reinforced Krista’s decision to work with Heart to Heart in placing her new baby and having the right to choose the family.</p><h2 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">She just wanted to be reassured the child was in a home where she was loved and wasn’t just an assignment.</span></h2><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-66283 alignright" height="233" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-300x233.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-300x233.jpg 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-1024x797.jpg 1024w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-768x598.jpg 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-1536x1195.jpg 1536w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-2048x1593.jpg 2048w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-newborn-with-dog-320x249.jpg 320w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="300" />Heather, the adoptive mother Krista chose, was thrilled to promise the mother that her baby would be loved unconditionally.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">“Originally, she (Krista) wanted a closed adoption. But I reassured her over and over that we were open to contact any time she wanted,” Heather said. “And even though our little girl is now six years old, we haven’t heard from Krista yet.”</p><h2 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-66285 alignleft" height="185" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-on-cart-300x185.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-on-cart-300x185.jpg 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-on-cart-1024x632.jpg 1024w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-on-cart-768x474.jpg 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-on-cart-1536x947.jpg 1536w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-on-cart-2048x1263.jpg 2048w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-on-cart-320x197.jpg 320w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="300" /><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Even without contact, Heather continues writing letters and sending pictures to the birth mother.</span></h2><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-underline-offset: 3px; transition: all 0.3s ease 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">Heart to Heart Adoptions</a> keep these letters and photos, hoping that the birth mother will want to know more about her daughter one day. The sweet communiqués will reassure her that the child is being loved.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">“I write these letters to Krista, but I have my daughter in mind,” Heather said. “As she gets older and has questions, this is my attempt to <span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: line-through; vertical-align: baseline;">tell</span> show her we will continue to look for any answers she might need.”</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class=" wp-image-66286 alignright" height="266" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 348px) 100vw, 348px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-adoption-jeep-cousins-300x229.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-adoption-jeep-cousins-300x229.jpg 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-adoption-jeep-cousins-1024x780.jpg 1024w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-adoption-jeep-cousins-768x585.jpg 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-adoption-jeep-cousins-1536x1170.jpg 1536w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-adoption-jeep-cousins-2048x1560.jpg 2048w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/heather-presley-adoption-jeep-cousins-320x244.jpg 320w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="348" />This is probably a wise practice, especially in this particular adoption. Six-year-old Presley used to make up stories about her birth mother picking her up from daycare. The birth mother and Presley would go to Krista’s house, where there were 12 dogs and many fun activities.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">“I’m sure her telling these stories is a part of understanding and creating a picture of who and what her birth mother might be,” Heather explained.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Recognizing her daughter’s need for connection, Heather has found one of the little girl’s half-sisters.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">This need for understanding has exacerbated when Heather adopted another child.</p></div>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-31449929066428595452021-12-17T10:50:00.001-07:002021-12-17T10:50:59.078-07:00We stay as long as needed. <p> <img alt="You are currently viewing Jodi Takes as Long As a Birth Mother Needs Her" class="attachment-full size-full wp-post-image" height="230" itemprop="image" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 548px) 100vw, 548px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/donna-eye-surgery-2.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/donna-eye-surgery-2.jpg 548w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/donna-eye-surgery-2-300x126.jpg 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/donna-eye-surgery-2-320x134.jpg 320w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle; width: 1060px;" width="548" /></p><header class="entry-header clr" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto 0px; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><h2 class="single-post-title entry-title" itemprop="headline" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(241, 241, 241); border-bottom-style: solid; border-image: initial; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: initial; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: initial; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: initial; border-width: 0px 0px 1px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: Raleway; font-size: 34px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: 0.6px; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 15px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Jodi Takes as Long As a Birth Mother Needs Her</h2></header><div class="entry-content clr" itemprop="text" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><h6 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">by Charlie, at Heart to Heart Adoptions</span></h6><h2 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-66379 alignleft" height="251" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-4-300x251.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-4-300x251.png 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-4-768x644.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-4-320x268.png 320w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-4.png 940w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="300" />My eye surgery was not life-threatening, but the aftermath of the procedure was painful.</span></h2><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">A<span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">nd I couldn’t drive.</span></h3><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And my sons aren’t very maternal.</span></h3><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And I wanted to cry.</span></h3><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And so I thought of Jodi.</span></h3><h2 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">Because Jodi takes as long as is needed.</h2><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-66387 alignleft" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodi-clinic-300x300.jpg" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodi-clinic-300x300.jpg 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodi-clinic-150x150.jpg 150w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodi-clinic-320x320.jpg 320w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodi-clinic.jpg 720w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="300" />Some of us take pride in being efficient. I am efficient. I can run through the necessary arrangements for insurance coverage. I can meticulously file every ICPS form. I can quickly book a flight.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-66380 alignright" height="251" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-3-300x251.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-3-300x251.png 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-3-768x644.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-3-320x268.png 320w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-3.png 940w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="300" />Because efficiency is necessary, checking details is essential.</p><h4 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">But when I hurt</span>.</h4><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">When I was in pain.</span></h3><h2 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-66381 alignleft" height="251" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-2-300x251.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-2-300x251.png 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-2-768x644.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-2-320x268.png 320w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-2.png 940w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="300" /><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">When I was scared.</span></h2><h1 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 23px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I didn’t want efficiency. </span></h1><h1 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 23px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I wanted Jodi.</span></h1><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">When questioned about being gone so long to help a 14-year-old girl who had just placed a baby, Jodie replied, <span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“I stayed as long as was needed.”</span> Jodi took the young girl to the beach and breakfast, and they talked as they made a picture book for the baby.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-66382 alignleft" height="251" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-1-300x251.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-1-300x251.png 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-1-768x644.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-1-320x268.png 320w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-1.png 940w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 1.5em 0px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="300" />Jodi took as long as was needed with that birth mother and every birth mother she helps.</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">When I was in pain, I didn’t want an efficient busybody. I wanted someone who stayed as long as was needed.</p><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I called Jodi. She stayed with me—as long as was needed.</span></h3><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 1.5em auto; max-width: 700px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-66383 alignright" height="251" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-3-1-300x251.png" srcset="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-3-1-300x251.png 300w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-3-1-768x644.png 768w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-3-1-320x268.png 320w, https://hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/jodie-3-1.png 940w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; height: auto; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="300" />When you need someone, call <a href="https://hearttoheartadopt.com/" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-underline-offset: 3px; transition: all 0.3s ease 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">Heart to Heart Adoptions.</a> We’ll get you in touch with someone who will, as best they can, stay as long as needed.</p></div>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-91069943655549074862021-09-18T15:09:00.000-06:002021-09-18T15:09:46.828-06:00<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="440" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/recOofXY2bY" width="529" youtube-src-id="recOofXY2bY"></iframe></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /> <p></p><h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 20px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">Hunter was three months old when Cody and Samantha learned of his birth.</span></h3><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px;">Carefully, they rea<img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-172007 alignright" height="300" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px" src="http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Hunter-11-225x300.jpg" srcset="https://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Hunter-11-225x300.jpg 225w, https://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Hunter-11-768x1024.jpg 768w, https://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Hunter-11-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Hunter-11.jpg 1452w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: right; height: auto; margin: 5px 0px 20px 20px; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle;" width="225" />d the email describing the tiny boy’s situation. Cody summarizes the information he remembers from that first email.</p><ul style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 0px;"><li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h4 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-weight: 500; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">Male</h4></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h4 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-weight: 500; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">Born at 25 weeks—3 months premature</h4></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h4 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-weight: 500; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">Birth weight not quite two pounds</h4></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h4 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-weight: 500; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">By his due date (when Cody was introduced to Hunter’s situation), the baby had doubled in weight</h4></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h4 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-weight: 500; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">Originally on a ventilator</h4></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h4 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-weight: 500; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">Has moved from IV feedings to a nasal gastric tube</h4></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h4 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-weight: 500; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="wp-image-172004 alignleft" height="222" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 175px) 100vw, 175px" src="http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Hunter-8-237x300.jpeg" srcset="https://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Hunter-8-237x300.jpeg 237w, https://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Hunter-8.jpeg 749w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; float: left; height: auto; margin: 5px 20px 20px 0px; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle;" width="175" />Has a shunt in his brain due to brain bleeds</h4></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h4 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-weight: 500; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">Initially, there were concerns about the possibility of blindness, but Hunter appears to see.</h4></li><li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h4 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-weight: 500; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">There still is potential for developmental delays both mentally and physically.</h4></li></ul><div><span style="color: #555555; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #555555; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #555555; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #555555; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/after-two-years-they-found-their-son/?fbclid=IwAR2loXBZCGvtzP2cqLjKSO-KB_i809zbOw5la84X28VwzYThkGK8EtR2-WE">Read the rest of his story here.</a></span></div>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-26977494950811285292021-08-26T19:53:00.000-06:002021-08-26T19:53:01.534-06:00Twin's Death Resulted in an Emergency C-section<p> </p><h3><strong><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-171884 alignleft" height="214" src="http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Why-wont-this-download-300x214.png" width="300" /></strong></h3><h3><strong>“You’re here,” Shanice whispered when she woke after surgery. “You’re really here.”</strong></h3><p>“I opened my eyes, and I saw Jodie,” Shanice* explained several weeks later. “When I woke up after surgery, she was right there. There was so much comfort in knowing she was there. I’m so grateful.”</p><h3><strong>Jodi shrugs off Shanice’s comment. “Of course, I was going to be there.”</strong></h3><p><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-171881 alignright" height="300" src="http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Copy-of-icu-baby-200x300.png" width="200" /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Shanice’s baby was born by an emergency C-section. </b></h3><p>With two adult children, Shanice was unprepared and unable to raise another child.</p><p>Even when Shanice discovered she was pregnant with twins, she didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy. Instead, she contacted us at Heart to Heart and explained the situation. After looking through several profiles, the Atlanta mother felt strongly that Scott and Jessica from Kansas would be the kind of parents she wanted for her baby.</p><h3><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-171882 alignleft" height="300" src="http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Copy-of-icu-baby-1-300x300.png" width="300" /></h3><h3><strong>Late in the second trimester, one of the twins died in vitro.</strong></h3><p>Ideally, the water within the twin’s tissues, the amniotic fluid, and the placental tissue would be reabsorbed. In Shanice’s case, there were complications, and doctors determined she should be induced. After a grueling few hours, more complications required an emergency C-section in the middle of the night.</p><h3><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-171883 alignright" height="251" src="http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Copy-of-Copy-of-icu-baby-300x251.png" width="300" /></h3><h3><strong>Scott and Jessica hurried to be with the surviving baby</strong>.</h3><p>For two months, the couple took turns watching over the child, holding him when possible, and making sure he knew their voice. A few weeks ago, the baby was finally released, and the grateful family drove home.</p><p>“To have Jodi, just her presence in the middle of the night, was so comfortable,” Shanice insists. “Not everyone would have done that for me.”</p><p>“Everyone from our agency would,” Jodi said.</p><h5>*names changed</h5><div><a href="https://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/blog/" target="_blank">Read more stories of adoption. </a></div>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-50763418964442090322021-08-23T18:36:00.001-06:002021-08-23T18:36:54.063-06:00Our Favorite Adoption Records<p> We are often asked what some of our favorite adoption books are for children. We are happy to give you some recommendations.</p><h2><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Adoption-Multi-cultural-Picture-Adoptive-Families/dp/0985676280/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=abc+of+adoption&qid=1629755744&sr=8-1"><strong><em></em></strong></a><strong><em><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Adoption-Multi-cultural-Picture-Adoptive-Families/dp/0985676280/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=abc+of+adoption&qid=1629755744&sr=8-1"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8U2srFKC9yAER9UOAF78NgMW8_MX5frrW4EM87ANGV9I6cfFeUWov5jTw__EBl6UDncn8_piVbbcc8X7SbUEEpfMGS3FdYaQ1AMUYPDEEXMxNxXCXJrC-279yvdxzh_v5ZH2Ab1kVUTsj/s500/books+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8U2srFKC9yAER9UOAF78NgMW8_MX5frrW4EM87ANGV9I6cfFeUWov5jTw__EBl6UDncn8_piVbbcc8X7SbUEEpfMGS3FdYaQ1AMUYPDEEXMxNxXCXJrC-279yvdxzh_v5ZH2Ab1kVUTsj/s320/books+1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></em></strong></h2><h2><br /></h2><h2><br /></h2><h2><br /></h2><h2><br /></h2><h2><br /></h2><h2><br /></h2><h2><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Adoption-Multi-cultural-Picture-Adoptive-Families/dp/0985676280/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=abc+of+adoption&qid=1629755744&sr=8-1"><strong><em>ABC, Adoption & Me</em></strong></a></h2><p>A <strong>c</strong><strong>hild's review</strong>: "<em>Most adoption books only talk about the good part of adoption. ABC shows adoption from the kid's side.</em>" <strong><em>ABC, Adoption & Me</em></strong> expresses their complicated feelings in a way that makes them feel normal and which makes it easy for them to discuss with their families. Includes a parent guide. <em>ABC, Adoption & Me</em> celebrates the blessing of family and addresses the problematic issues as well. Exuberant, multicultural illustrations depict a wide range of families.</p><p><a href="https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Henrietta+Hexagon+and+the+Triangles&ref=nb_sb_noss"><img alt="" class="wp-image-171853 alignright" height="255" src="http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Book-2.jpg" width="185" /><br /></a></p><h2><a href="https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Henrietta+Hexagon+and+the+Triangles&ref=nb_sb_noss"><strong><em>Henrietta Hexagon and the Triangles</em></strong></a></h2><p>As an infant, Henrietta Hexagon was left alone in a shape sorter with no one to care for her. She was found and adopted by a family of triangles. She loves her family more than anything, but she can't seem to get past the feeling that she doesn't quite fit in. One warm spring morning, Henrietta goes outside searching for hexagons. She does manage to find one, but in doing so, she finds herself in a very sticky situation. She heads back home feeling down and defeated, but when she arrives, everything changes!</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://www.amazon.com/How-I-Became-Big-Brother/dp/1421898381/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=How+I+Became+a+Big+Brother&qid=1629755927&sr=8-3"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-171854 alignleft" height="300" src="http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Book-3-300x300.jpg" width="300" /></a></p><h2><a href="https://www.amazon.com/How-I-Became-Big-Brother/dp/1421898381/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=How+I+Became+a+Big+Brother&qid=1629755927&sr=8-3">How I Became A Big Brother</a></h2><p>How I Became A Big Brother is a children’s book that explains adoption to young children. It is a simple story of how a little boy who doesn’t have any siblings suddenly becomes a big brother to an adopted child. The story is told from the toddler's point of view and touches on many of the concerns and fears that a child might be experiencing when their family decides to adopt. This book is a must-read for anyone considering adoption of another child when they already have young children.</p><h2><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Again-About-Night-Born/dp/0064435814/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Tell+Me+Again+About+the+Night+I+Was+Born&qid=1629755992&sr=8-1"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-171855 alignright" height="260" src="http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Book-4-300x260.jpg" width="300" /></a></h2><h2><strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Again-About-Night-Born/dp/0064435814/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Tell+Me+Again+About+the+Night+I+Was+Born&qid=1629755992&sr=8-1">Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born</a></strong></h2><p><em>Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born</em> is a unique celebration of the love and joy an adopted child creates for a family.</p><p>In asking her parents to tell her again about the night of her birth, a young girl relives a cherished tale she knows by heart. Focusing on the significance of family and love, this is a unique and beautiful story about adoption and the importance of a loving family.</p><h2><a href="https://www.amazon.com/I-Dont-Have-Your-Eyes/dp/0972624422/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=I+don%27t+have+your+eyes&qid=1629756088&sr=8-1"><img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-171856 alignleft" height="260" src="http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Book-5-300x260.jpg" width="300" /></a></h2><h2><a href="https://www.amazon.com/I-Dont-Have-Your-Eyes/dp/0972624422/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=I+don%27t+have+your+eyes&qid=1629756088&sr=8-1"><strong>I Don't Have Your Eyes</strong></a></h2><p>Family connections are essential to children as they begin to find their place in the world. For adopted children and children in foster care or kinship placements, celebrating the differences within their families and the similarities that conne</p>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-12975317217941041312021-08-18T18:55:00.000-06:002021-08-18T18:56:30.991-06:00<p> </p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 23px; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 20px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitvt4Q6DrhaqPUyuNCs3yIBTzS2k_Fdu-iWSPr8Ej_HCCslD0HX-Gk5oOutxSVaIFY_L0jB_WZiesNeIu8nMoAW_B1-BwHM3Mp43T3u0wAW8agknUNggux11YZCe7uAuW5oB1cpiNFboWB/s2000/Newborn+%25281%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1428" data-original-width="2000" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitvt4Q6DrhaqPUyuNCs3yIBTzS2k_Fdu-iWSPr8Ej_HCCslD0HX-Gk5oOutxSVaIFY_L0jB_WZiesNeIu8nMoAW_B1-BwHM3Mp43T3u0wAW8agknUNggux11YZCe7uAuW5oB1cpiNFboWB/w400-h285/Newborn+%25281%2529.png" width="400" /></a><span style="text-align: left;">“I was never wanted.”</span></div></span></h2></blockquote></blockquote><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px;">Jamice* spoke matter-of-factly as she gazed out across the city park where we were socially distancing. “My mom wanted to abort me. I’ve always known that. She would tell me. She was abusive in other ways, but that’s what I remember the most.”</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px;">The young woman looked down where her pregnancy was very evident. “When I got pregnant, abortion was not an option for me. NEVER. Not even for a minute. My child will never hear, ‘I wish you’d been aborted.’” Her voice grew stronger. “I want my child to know she is wanted. I want her. But I can’t give her what she deserves. And there is another family who wants her. She is really, really wanted. I hope she always knows that.”</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px;">Jamice smiles.</p><h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 23px; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 20px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">“I chose a family who can give her the best.”</span></h2><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px;">Now the young mouther’s voice cracks with emotion.</p><p style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #555555; font-family: Raleway, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><a href="https://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/she-wanted-me-aborted/" target="_blank">Continue reading here.</a></p>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-52798384600927341222021-08-18T16:29:00.000-06:002021-08-18T16:30:31.754-06:00Birth Mothers, Don't Be Overwhelmed with the Process<p></p><p class="MsoNormal">The Adoption Process <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Nb29z_9ST7Oce13K3lvbQTjUpxSWF47X4WpV7SVaFw8oR7d84zipxjb5FKGclwnFfbvHxqlLohXs4G3KDyAeIJs1vu5jfKoNUiaTpw7MTTQMH0aC3DbIt2NqQnOExg94jYO5XvjOuxTf/s612/istockphoto-161685643-612x612.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="408" data-original-width="612" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Nb29z_9ST7Oce13K3lvbQTjUpxSWF47X4WpV7SVaFw8oR7d84zipxjb5FKGclwnFfbvHxqlLohXs4G3KDyAeIJs1vu5jfKoNUiaTpw7MTTQMH0aC3DbIt2NqQnOExg94jYO5XvjOuxTf/s320/istockphoto-161685643-612x612.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />The adoption process can feel overwhelming.<p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Take one step at a time and know we’re here to help.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Birth Mothers, first
you need to decide if this is right for you.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This is a personal decision that no one can make for you. Women
contemplating placing their infant always want the same thing—to give their
child a caring family and a positive future. When a mother weighs her options
with caring for an infant, she’s not “giving up her baby.” She’s making a brave
and loving decision. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As you think about your future and the future of your child,
decide how the two of you will get there. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If you are pregnant and considering adoption, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI4dycDCdwc" target="_blank">watch this short film.</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">At Heart to Heart Adoption, we always want you to feel you
have placed your child with a family that matches you perfectly.</p><o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Phk0vXZW4jyzkUEEhvlPdDfiwPkAkTdaaQ2eBe2PRyrQobifamfTNF-SAU7zu7cMlplwQd9S3xLl6z38rOOS4UnHdAE9zlZ7kZbd4nDxvSZUt8TA8UsoiRwyzAILd8TFJ96FVrx0PIza/s612/istockphoto-1222027895-612x612.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="382" data-original-width="612" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Phk0vXZW4jyzkUEEhvlPdDfiwPkAkTdaaQ2eBe2PRyrQobifamfTNF-SAU7zu7cMlplwQd9S3xLl6z38rOOS4UnHdAE9zlZ7kZbd4nDxvSZUt8TA8UsoiRwyzAILd8TFJ96FVrx0PIza/s320/istockphoto-1222027895-612x612.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />We have families from across the country. This allows you to
look at prospective adoptive parents with whom you will be comfortable
maintaining a long-term relationship. This relationship might be a daily
communication or maybe just yearly. These decisions are yours. <o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We are here to support you. Some birth mothers need housing.
Others need phones or other financial support. We will be there to ensure that
you have support medically.</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYRBwYREH4-93BpVx5teu7nWsYr4KRcspsBH9QvlQKhwqjHzNw9b60Whj8PqI1jnqk5haoXDb2rOnOFmO5Mn8tolJtxyMR7mmY9rlo0krq899XSbnBg7VieSD7IKNW7b_dp51EW8XEfHxh/s960/adoption+baby+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYRBwYREH4-93BpVx5teu7nWsYr4KRcspsBH9QvlQKhwqjHzNw9b60Whj8PqI1jnqk5haoXDb2rOnOFmO5Mn8tolJtxyMR7mmY9rlo0krq899XSbnBg7VieSD7IKNW7b_dp51EW8XEfHxh/s320/adoption+baby+.jpg" width="240" /></a>You create an adoption plan that puts you in control of what
happens at birth. There will be someone from Heart to Heart guiding you every
step of the way. This individual will coordinate with the adoptive parents and ensure
that everyone is on the same page.</div><p class="MsoNormal">We’ve done this before. We’ve helped hundreds of birth
mothers. </p></blockquote><p></p><o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">For more help or information call 877-437-3424 or text 801-563-1000 any time day or night. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/" target="_blank">Click here for more information.</a> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/im-pregnant-form/" target="_blank">Click here to start an application. </a></p><br /><p></p>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-29405924906661710792014-11-19T08:08:00.001-07:002021-07-29T13:14:38.163-06:00Couple Uses Own Money To Assist Families Looking to Adopt<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu1muCAQS3NcmQ3NySbXC8anifFRkgbe1eVTQAYMKA2K-jr1gzxkMKb2K1LniVm8DymkZidbU1SEXTKxlGIo8KdXzldaFK5OE1u4KecPVy12-H6_o1Zj6JH8pinxJEvChIgJwT5U69NSAc/s1600/help-us-adopt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu1muCAQS3NcmQ3NySbXC8anifFRkgbe1eVTQAYMKA2K-jr1gzxkMKb2K1LniVm8DymkZidbU1SEXTKxlGIo8KdXzldaFK5OE1u4KecPVy12-H6_o1Zj6JH8pinxJEvChIgJwT5U69NSAc/s1600/help-us-adopt.jpg" height="160" width="320" /></a></div>
The cost of adopting can be discourage many couples looking to adopt an infant domestically. Whether using an adoption agency or adopting privately, the expenses are still relatively high for most low income families.<br />
<br />
A New York couple has set out to bring low income families looking to adopt the hope they're searching for. After experiencing the costs of adoption first hand and realizing that these costs would likely be out of reach for many families, Becky Fawcett and her husband determined they would use their own personal savings to assist other families with adoption expenses. In 2007, they founded Help Us Adopt, a non profit organization that has assisted with more than $300,000 in adoption expenses for low income families. Read <a href="http://bit.ly/1zCYN2a">The story here</a>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-72505580677305139232014-11-12T11:43:00.000-07:002014-11-12T11:43:53.229-07:00Birth Mom - Missing Your Own High Expectations Is Not Failure!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwgwAtopjPr_B9EA_ud5MfYfGv45ISRJtuHDPZlQ9CfwUXYRq9O3hzPdXm7dII-qRhYD8RomDyER7Vde8wvcz-tCWLcvW8V7qP-BW0U4LCTC5RJ8vlyOMsKFUTLiMlMv_IuAhcDKLvJhfo/s1600/birth-mom-high-expectations.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwgwAtopjPr_B9EA_ud5MfYfGv45ISRJtuHDPZlQ9CfwUXYRq9O3hzPdXm7dII-qRhYD8RomDyER7Vde8wvcz-tCWLcvW8V7qP-BW0U4LCTC5RJ8vlyOMsKFUTLiMlMv_IuAhcDKLvJhfo/s320/birth-mom-high-expectations.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Every parent wants the best for their child. Mother's who have placed their child in an open adoption often have an unattainable dream of what she is going to do to have the best relationship with her child.<br />
<br />
Rebekah, a 39 year old birth mother of a now 5 year old reflects on the high expectations that she set. Her reflections find her falling short of the goals that had, but her conversation with her son's adoptive mom helped her to see that what she thinks is a list of failures over the years, are actually a list of highlights in her son's life.<br />
<br />
Read the full story <a href="http://bit.ly/1xNkFqm">here</a>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-34419318011568326372014-10-31T12:02:00.000-06:002014-10-31T12:02:41.946-06:00Birth Mothers - Explaining to Your Children That You Placed One of Their Siblings for Adoption<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHWLTcypo8odT2ZYv6InyYcu1RUQ1u6_qwUMb8dw5qoVqMTgD1gD7g8zjvoDJ42_Hd3nJYkziBYram4e_9dMuUtqU82rcsyjQcDmP7sxoNocC4_2hYGKX8KlSdbAcyfwkpBCA8Uf9nvjsu/s1600/explain-to-children-youre-a-birth-mom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHWLTcypo8odT2ZYv6InyYcu1RUQ1u6_qwUMb8dw5qoVqMTgD1gD7g8zjvoDJ42_Hd3nJYkziBYram4e_9dMuUtqU82rcsyjQcDmP7sxoNocC4_2hYGKX8KlSdbAcyfwkpBCA8Uf9nvjsu/s1600/explain-to-children-youre-a-birth-mom.jpg" height="160" width="320" /></a></div>
A birth mother's plight is arguably one of the toughest situations a young mother can face. Placing your child in the care of parents that you may have only met a few months before brings sleepless nights, endless worrying, and grief that can take a lifetime to overcome. The difficult decision to place a child for adoption is the first experience with motherhood for most birth mothers.<br />
<br />
This is the story of Rebekah, a birth mother who was already parenting four children. With siblings already in the picture, the pain and anguish that a birth mom typically experiences is multiplied. Rebekah herself not only has to deal with the emotions of relinquishing her child, but she has to help her children through some of the very same trials that she has. Read her story about how she had to <a href="http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/2014/10/explaining-to-your-children-that-you-placed-one-of-their-siblings-for-adoption/">explain to her children that she was placing her son for adoption</a>Heart to Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13202953262461268183noreply@blogger.com0Heart to Heart Adoptions 101 North Marion Street #208, Oak Park, IL 60301, USA41.8873083 -87.80269909999998416.3652738 -129.11129309999998 67.4093428 -46.494105099999985tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-16565399748068793262011-09-09T15:30:00.000-06:002011-09-09T15:30:13.140-06:00The Call. You Know The One...THE Call.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Are there certain things you wish you'd known before you received The Call?<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgU-yKvh_xIIKreLmppKIKD7TXMH6WXb-J3ly94Tv7PPvLXIoksabCKWMfehgqP0itTelFbdlVL8lvCP03lYzzrc7ZxXv6ufiEkH2Hs-0IhEP6rGZ6q0n2bSqqf_s_n_GQT1k_PqR7pjc/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgU-yKvh_xIIKreLmppKIKD7TXMH6WXb-J3ly94Tv7PPvLXIoksabCKWMfehgqP0itTelFbdlVL8lvCP03lYzzrc7ZxXv6ufiEkH2Hs-0IhEP6rGZ6q0n2bSqqf_s_n_GQT1k_PqR7pjc/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl8a6tciH3E5XRpPKJwygvoINZPPlLBvN7DE-o3sH1PCXMeDYPHddhpql-XJQB3bu9cSUlFWtpmnJ95pt6WkinkMJXLGky52sBMNFOyDoeGusgCVFQP-LCZNj5NFo_YsosO6wsvbzmbJc/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl8a6tciH3E5XRpPKJwygvoINZPPlLBvN7DE-o3sH1PCXMeDYPHddhpql-XJQB3bu9cSUlFWtpmnJ95pt6WkinkMJXLGky52sBMNFOyDoeGusgCVFQP-LCZNj5NFo_YsosO6wsvbzmbJc/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div>No matter how long a family has been waiting, when they finally receive The Call, their homes inevitably look like the departure scene in one of our favorite movies, "Home Alone". <i></i> Most people are usually rushing around, missing things, but usually not people. So if your journey begins early, consider having a plan!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTpyF2G7duXwgIxk9aSlNUS2F-fiZ2zIaxDKpc-gx9ItBjEJGrVjxCXiVRKtlapjIRuJYMrS1L8KGTGATd1-jgo07QaoGtae3OFWAqAzloF0M7rEVhYmr0Iv75T8J6r_7Cq9tZ_-23oMY/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTpyF2G7duXwgIxk9aSlNUS2F-fiZ2zIaxDKpc-gx9ItBjEJGrVjxCXiVRKtlapjIRuJYMrS1L8KGTGATd1-jgo07QaoGtae3OFWAqAzloF0M7rEVhYmr0Iv75T8J6r_7Cq9tZ_-23oMY/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div>Sometimes it is difficult to believe that, after waiting for some time to start a family, The Call actually comes! Some families have not previously been matched with a birth mother, so the call can indeed be a surprise. Often, couples feel the emotional and psychological risk of having too much ready may put a "curse" on things. And for even other couples, they expect to be matched with a baby locally, so they don't think to plan to be away from home - for any length of time. And, if you're anything like me, my basic human tendency is to procrastinate!<br />
<br />
As an agency, and with input from those of us (most of us) who are adoptive parents...here are a few suggestions:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwvHjYmmQK2IelSg-5C-3WWvF-I9-NfHhFmhoD3K6-Zi4e94UPEC9DgrML9oU24SgN1IcVMaYQ_MDmbMPq8C57ka6XEQ92jJZMoLrEO-cfKsqLdpFFxxvgjNvxrVPyDbs1jacYsZ_HMrE/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwvHjYmmQK2IelSg-5C-3WWvF-I9-NfHhFmhoD3K6-Zi4e94UPEC9DgrML9oU24SgN1IcVMaYQ_MDmbMPq8C57ka6XEQ92jJZMoLrEO-cfKsqLdpFFxxvgjNvxrVPyDbs1jacYsZ_HMrE/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><b><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><b>You can't ever be <i>too</i> prepared.</b> </span></b><br />
If you can handle seeing constant reminders - the nursery just waiting to be occupied, a packed diaper bag - try to have a few of these things ready. Some people may not want lots of "baby stuff" in the house, but in retrospect, most wish they had left at least a few items with a loving family member or understanding friend, so that what you need is accessible when you need it. (You're never really prepared "enough," so don’t worry about it. And as always...remember that adoption is not a destination...it's a journey!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHkx8vzagUZKxTQhdXuzrD4VRXfRdQspSePJWU6Kqb9YBYlwxNSJ4BObns9xgjitKkXftOYUZSOhrVAYfMcdfuc48504bbO_mtj39vDCN8spCqN06vNZ-gb-e5CmNAo8i459B5euCOHmU/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHkx8vzagUZKxTQhdXuzrD4VRXfRdQspSePJWU6Kqb9YBYlwxNSJ4BObns9xgjitKkXftOYUZSOhrVAYfMcdfuc48504bbO_mtj39vDCN8spCqN06vNZ-gb-e5CmNAo8i459B5euCOHmU/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><b>Expect it - Surprise!</b></span><br />
Try to relax and remain flexible, as plans do change - whether due to birthparent's situation, baby’s needs, even weather, and many other factors well out of your control. (Think Hurricane Irene...etc...) Sometimes unpredictability leads to a more positive experience. (and certainly prepares you for parenthood - the most unpredictable adventure in life!) While a few parents are annoyed by things like ICPC taking longer than expected, others find the great joy in having a little extra time with baby all to themselves before coming home and sharing baby with everyone for the rest of their lives. Little attitude adjustments along the way make all the difference in the world.<b><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><b> </b></span></b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><b>You're not alone.</b></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><b></b></span></b>Even if you're adopting for a second or third time, the process, no matter how prepared you are, isn't always familiar. As time goes along, ask for details and ask any questions. Be assertive. Clarify with the case manager or social worker different instructions as they come your way. When should you go to the hospital? And when you arrive, where and whom will you be meeting? These are questions you may need answered more than once, as it's sometimes hard for excited new parents to retain all the information that comes throughout the journey.<span style="color: #f60871; font-size: small;"><b> </b></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKg1td0ze5r7dAAxy5cPkRESNK9KZ7BlZiRrl4vxgTYzN6GEJnLcyAaUs5yycEFKFC_jSJkXXrOOtCk7jK3pL-iVesEjAPD_XvRcDrdToE1vmTE_ijgG70Jz2mchWvTXhcDMNaOTwJ8Hc/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKg1td0ze5r7dAAxy5cPkRESNK9KZ7BlZiRrl4vxgTYzN6GEJnLcyAaUs5yycEFKFC_jSJkXXrOOtCk7jK3pL-iVesEjAPD_XvRcDrdToE1vmTE_ijgG70Jz2mchWvTXhcDMNaOTwJ8Hc/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><b>Set up a "family and friends plan".</b></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><b></b></span>Who will you will tell what - and when - as the time comes. There are lots of emotions that will surface, but think about if you want an e-mail blast to everyone in your contacts or a mass text...or maybe just one phone call to a specific person who will spread the word. Facebook posts usually aren’t the best idea. (My husband and I opted to call only our parents and siblings.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><b>Be logical.</b> </span><br />
If you do end up going outside your home state, how will you handle things that can happen when you are away from home. Sometimes a quick e-mail to a neighbor can make sure your mail will be picked up and newspaper brought in. Grandparents love to be needed, especially for important tasks like getting the house ready for your arrival home, shoveling snow, or washing baby clothes<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjohlbZIQF32O9RsAfuJF4sEX-PEW-AOApRLPXaGAo0knPyC2UxWMfgAQYmxoadhL4kLs0sYyxnnL05aP4Gl2rzXjyL3FFymca6M1YcRWuAAmxeKgiNAwAKa7H5-ivv_8eGM3hEHecK6Ag/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjohlbZIQF32O9RsAfuJF4sEX-PEW-AOApRLPXaGAo0knPyC2UxWMfgAQYmxoadhL4kLs0sYyxnnL05aP4Gl2rzXjyL3FFymca6M1YcRWuAAmxeKgiNAwAKa7H5-ivv_8eGM3hEHecK6Ag/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><b>What about the big homecoming?</b></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><b></b></span>Who will you want there? What is the smoothest transition for you and your new baby? The day we bring your new little one home will be joyful, and probably a little anxious. Maybe get a bite to eat and do a little final shopping while birthparents finish up paperwork. When the time comes, you will not want to waste a moment of time in getting home. And when you do, you will want to know who will be there excitedly waiting for you!<br />
.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz18JjRXWZpHg2iEaNzisj5YAjN0-kqxy77BgKN_sm-o85GdmMyLhUjsaCrLWxURg_EtFaLilNpMi7aR9-ZvhLb7GqrIYXppIKOm63fLgKLLLwpJP-PIWbrZE9LVP9aLGx5AgBB5mz9Mk/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz18JjRXWZpHg2iEaNzisj5YAjN0-kqxy77BgKN_sm-o85GdmMyLhUjsaCrLWxURg_EtFaLilNpMi7aR9-ZvhLb7GqrIYXppIKOm63fLgKLLLwpJP-PIWbrZE9LVP9aLGx5AgBB5mz9Mk/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div><b>And finally....</b><br />
<b>ENJOY.</b><br />
I can think of nothing more fulfilling than knowing someone chose us to parent her child. No matter how much stress there may be through the journey, and even surrounding The Call itself, remember what is most important! </div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-26893299345378280682011-08-24T07:30:00.001-06:002011-08-24T07:31:22.041-06:00Same Family...Different Stories<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal;">Families with more than one adopted child obviously have children with different stories about how they joined the family. There are families who have of both biological children in the family and children who became part of the family through adoption. And of course, all families have children adopted through different adoption processes – domestic, international, perhaps all international but from different countries, public or private domestic adoption, and the list goes on and on. Even children who are adopted through the same process, e.g. private domestic (agency or independent adoptions) will certainly have their own unique story. <i> </i></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKI7XCj879tdV8pG-2MSJerusgQgx6v_U918LWRCwKKQuczfld_YhF7BY0Ct5DhsOTER0_ycxQpx2sQceBcpFLzud2shhoc0GxwxpKcVmuQEUVFQyfUOJv8opDfM3h2BhmfLZ5GDEmX9E/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKI7XCj879tdV8pG-2MSJerusgQgx6v_U918LWRCwKKQuczfld_YhF7BY0Ct5DhsOTER0_ycxQpx2sQceBcpFLzud2shhoc0GxwxpKcVmuQEUVFQyfUOJv8opDfM3h2BhmfLZ5GDEmX9E/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div><h1><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal;"><i>The various differences create both enriching experiences as well as some interesting challenges.</i></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></h1>One of the most important challenges for parents usually relates to concerns about siblings relationships and the perception each child has of his place in the family: “Was it better to be born or adopted into my family?” “Are we<i> real</i> sisters?” or “Do Mom (or Dad) like you the most because you are the same color as they are?” In addition, they may worry about how outsiders’ comments about the family. Most parents hope for wonderful, peaceful, and close relationships between their children, but as parents, we know that realistically this is not always be the case. No matter how we all grew up, parents can't predict how sibling relationships turn out....so it becomes important for adoptive parents to understand that when there is sibling friction or rivalry, it is not likely that it is due to how the child(ren) joined the family. In fact, it's probably just very normal! We must remember that sibling relationships are so complex – so much is dependent on each child’s unique personality and temperament ... so sibling relationships are not always easy to influence--or control. <br />
That being said, there are many ways for parents to <i>help </i>to influence sibling relationships in a positive way.<br />
<br />
<b><i>Comparisons (ick!)</i></b><br />
<i>For adoptive parents with more than one child, an important task is to diminish comparisons that might imply there's a difference in children’s role or "status" in the family because of the route they joined the family. </i>For example: parents need to be free to express their positive feelings about giving birth to a child as well as the joy they have experienced through the adoption of another child. We can't deny our feelings in an attempt to protect children from the realities of these wonderful differences. A family who was there for one child’s birth can be glad for that experience as well as the excitement of flying to Texas to pick up their daughter. Through both indirect and direct ways, parents must continually send the message to their children that how each child joined the family is different - and wonderful - not better or worse.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCzlCcqWoUJkTOG7L0PBwKnxj6pkNay_5WYhuP5HgcTv-ONwS5bQyqA7m_LG4_4OMLrPMnkJMiY_dVEW_ck3KpqQUlnKkO0Jy9z2agOJ6tq6CKOf5Flnrk32QJcf4Rk-x9z_BW8cNoluw/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCzlCcqWoUJkTOG7L0PBwKnxj6pkNay_5WYhuP5HgcTv-ONwS5bQyqA7m_LG4_4OMLrPMnkJMiY_dVEW_ck3KpqQUlnKkO0Jy9z2agOJ6tq6CKOf5Flnrk32QJcf4Rk-x9z_BW8cNoluw/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Unfortunately, despite our repeated attempts at sending this message, children may reach their own conclusions about the differences and decide that their story was the "best" way or the "worst" way compared to a sibling’s. Sometimes a biological child may think it’s better to have been born to parents than adopted, but he just might also think that his sibling’s adoption story is so interesting and exciting that maybe adoption is better. (I'm pretty sure my biological children think adoption is the "best". We gotta work on that!) When adopted children compare their stories, they may decide that one is “better” than the other - “He came as a baby so Mom and Dad love him more.” or “She’s the luckiest. She gets presents from her birth mother and gets to visit her, and I don’t know my birth mother at all.”) Sometimes one child may have more information about his birth family than his sibling(s); one child has a picture, another doesn’t; one knows about both birth parents, another only about his birthmother, etc., all of which can potentially create feelings of confusion and jealousy.<br />
<br />
Some parents try to minimize their children’s pain by denying one child something to try to protect another. For example, they may want to limit contact with one child’s birthmother because there is no possibility of contact for another child. This would be a big mistake because the child without contact could benefit enormously from contact with his siblings’ birth parent despite the possible jealousy or pain it may cause. We have no contact with our 10 year old's birthmother (the birthmother wanted a closed adoption once she placed). We have an open adoption with our 3 year old's birthmother. When her birthmother came to town several months ago, having her visit with our family, even though our 3 year old didn't understand that this was her birthmother, I feel our 10 year old really enjoyed visiting with this birthmother and asking her questions.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvVumlK7PZJd9OC3Ypn0xPytromNF8immlYyVjP1siUiUmlNU9bp9zCAcM6NEGbMyGVghCTaJuKgng97d4zxIy0kicASI4qgSs40wBGVpsMjARkHzP2nEfO9r7XGmLwL5VhL6DxoI7E3E/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvVumlK7PZJd9OC3Ypn0xPytromNF8immlYyVjP1siUiUmlNU9bp9zCAcM6NEGbMyGVghCTaJuKgng97d4zxIy0kicASI4qgSs40wBGVpsMjARkHzP2nEfO9r7XGmLwL5VhL6DxoI7E3E/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div>In another example, I heard a story heard recently of an adoptive mother of two children who are now adults. The adoptive mother never gave her first child a blanket that had been knitted for him by his birthmother because she didn't have anything to give the other adopted child. It seems it would be better to not deprive one child of something meaningful and special, and instead, try to help the other child develop coping skills for sadness, disappointment, and even anger.<br />
<br />
Comparisons are rarely a good thing, especially in adoption. Parents may want to consider making a family policy that differences are not to be used to hurt each other... but again, as parents, we know we can't control what goes on all the time. If parents try pick up on hurt feelings from their child, they can be more ready to provide reassurance and comfort to the child. They will be able to offer reassurance that what the child has heard (or maybe feels) from a sibling does not match the parents’ feelings and attitude. It is crucial, however, to never discount the feelings of the child. Perhaps the parent could say, “I know you wish you had been with us when you were a baby, like your sister was. It seems that you're worried we might favor him because of that, but that’s <i>not at all </i>how Dad and I feel. We love you. But I certainly understand how you might feel this way.” Providing reassurance and validating feelings leaves the door of communication wide open for a child to express more feelings...ahh...every parent's goal!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfiCnnvsnzArdy1hKTkWSxzwuVgd6jSnJeA1AluasHGHrLOrbSBo2_WtgXiKyo7fS23WWfDBoj5LIMSSpy2I9VvtQ1y5tF50afCOOrgEXbUiEHURcJgJZwbGqUKezbC1aGnoZic0ItNuo/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfiCnnvsnzArdy1hKTkWSxzwuVgd6jSnJeA1AluasHGHrLOrbSBo2_WtgXiKyo7fS23WWfDBoj5LIMSSpy2I9VvtQ1y5tF50afCOOrgEXbUiEHURcJgJZwbGqUKezbC1aGnoZic0ItNuo/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div>Regardless of the route in which children entered the family, it is crucial for them to have a clear understanding of the reasons the family decided to adopt each child. As Holly van Gulden points out in <u>Real Parents, Real Children</u>, "it is important for children to believe the parents’ motivation was based on love for a child, not a cause or some need the child would fulfill. Adopted children do not want to grow up believing that they were, in effect, a project for the parents. In bio/adopt families, if a child was adopted first into the family, they may also think they are no longer needed when the parents become pregnant. Birth children may think their parents adopted because they were not the right gender (or race). These thoughts may seem absurd or irrational to adoptive parents, but they may make perfect sense to their children. With this realization, parents can proactively make statements to help defuse the power of these musings." Read that again. It's beautiful.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEH0kPU0PPqPknas1VYq_JcXWAv9YiEubQEHdwaUWOtzZvHB88JaJlj2aXRBXLUrJrj4zVYaQ3yaEtvwxa6sdLdmr-Z4XrQrWEDwe4xA-1WoCah-_uQ0JnBMLGz4SBAZYxtgKX_fGYyX4/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEH0kPU0PPqPknas1VYq_JcXWAv9YiEubQEHdwaUWOtzZvHB88JaJlj2aXRBXLUrJrj4zVYaQ3yaEtvwxa6sdLdmr-Z4XrQrWEDwe4xA-1WoCah-_uQ0JnBMLGz4SBAZYxtgKX_fGYyX4/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div><b><i>Promote Your Children’s Individual Strengths</i></b><br />
A great way to ensure that children feel equally valued is to be very clear about the each unique and special characteristics each child brings to the family. As parents, we often connect to our children for different reasons, and sometimes it's easier to connect with one child than to another. (And siblings, too, may connect for reasons having nothing to do with how they came into the family.) When families embrace a shared family culture that is based on differences as well as similarities that are valued by everyone, they are able to weather doubts about their connections to their parents. For example, a family who has been more geared toward academics can celebrate the uniqueness of a child who is athletic and recognize in a positive way that this talent is definitely a gift from the child's birth parents!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV_L6tEd-pJ4UEUmG_TgwvfCSBeL9E-NR6AAuYcOdIkQZpPcqN2NK8XWtpQMtYV1zUGCEHDOYSsDX7oM8tCrEEK69GEUFWkUpMVgi1FLNGInIShP1lIj_qJRJohy-1zdrCs487vG7f_34/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV_L6tEd-pJ4UEUmG_TgwvfCSBeL9E-NR6AAuYcOdIkQZpPcqN2NK8XWtpQMtYV1zUGCEHDOYSsDX7oM8tCrEEK69GEUFWkUpMVgi1FLNGInIShP1lIj_qJRJohy-1zdrCs487vG7f_34/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><b><i>Providing Children With Individual Attention</i></b><br />
Can we ever do this enough? It seems so obvious, but it's is not always easy for parents to give each child in the family individual quality time. Different amounts of attention may be based on the child’s particular needs (a child who has learning disabilities certainly needs more help with homework) or stage of development – (a toddler definitely requires more help.) But children can perceive these differences incorrectly, and despite our reasonable and lengthy explanations, they still worry that attention differences are favoritism. Given this reality, as parents, let's be aware of our children’s feelings and <i>acknowledge them</i>. And of course, children can also try to manipulate parents into paying attention- or even get certain privileges– by charging that they are being treated unfairly: “You let him go with his friends, why can’t I?”) Try to not overreact when children try to use adoption as a hook - like, “You aren’t my real mother!” or “You love him more because he’s white like you!"and the list goes on and on...again...'normal' childhood behavior.<br />
<br />
If we are consistent with our love and reassurance, and open and honest when questions come up, we are creating a family that is able to celebrate differences - and similarities - appropriately, and hopefully create love and harmony in our homes. And isn't that ultimately the goal of all parents...adoptive or otherwise? <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh7egivVJk17C_vvyune4XpRokay4AlYiBplx85dDIR7FwpwcYDdNyFRXljRXRxoMxLY_wytYtRI4u67CSvDf9jHkVJaMnD9_vh-p2p9zoaqBLAFRRoRMKTYuQiaUNGAcAacouusux9-I/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh7egivVJk17C_vvyune4XpRokay4AlYiBplx85dDIR7FwpwcYDdNyFRXljRXRxoMxLY_wytYtRI4u67CSvDf9jHkVJaMnD9_vh-p2p9zoaqBLAFRRoRMKTYuQiaUNGAcAacouusux9-I/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-14016495496469242542011-08-15T17:01:00.003-06:002011-08-15T17:05:58.960-06:00It Happened. Again.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Ok Parents: Gear up. It happened again.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioZbeHu_i1r2Ae4Hit2fLMzSmgDIFtmY3-thLKsMP9hRADRJ72t_HrwUdMMnS3nUHQSpYOaCAU2MZavmcTYdeFTFdIwp5RA-b-nxBkuYk8CfkhaOMXcBNCqRVcLZokQ_r_NTCth9EFykM/s1600/a.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="78" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioZbeHu_i1r2Ae4Hit2fLMzSmgDIFtmY3-thLKsMP9hRADRJ72t_HrwUdMMnS3nUHQSpYOaCAU2MZavmcTYdeFTFdIwp5RA-b-nxBkuYk8CfkhaOMXcBNCqRVcLZokQ_r_NTCth9EFykM/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUfLCthdExxEezG2riN4XgMA3q4BFqq7wuOFuqlo6MftdIZxKCOlTAHUU_vnVqQ9h1icz8aC0uYRH6mvyfiL8qYVG2I6hJybk-oLLZyBDdyIxyIKeiAVit-cOpr37YNC_DF8hjKbL9VZg/s1600/mom.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As parents of adopted children, we are aware that eventually questions will arise with our children regarding where they came from and why. I guess I am lucky that the detailed questions haven't happened for 10 years. But it's happening now. And no matter how prepared we are for it, it's still a challenge. And it is painful.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYpRzf7wEE-yfvTs3ZUj4SgJeT4kC2PojKn4f8EWTB2rcfAiKZTt_rN-zkpcm-mgKOH4KxLfr6IPznywu-suCq6sE5cYknIp3yY8McwglB0IiufRG2JU3Z97Kj2D1DvU-F2jeLLNum6PE/s1600/a.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYpRzf7wEE-yfvTs3ZUj4SgJeT4kC2PojKn4f8EWTB2rcfAiKZTt_rN-zkpcm-mgKOH4KxLfr6IPznywu-suCq6sE5cYknIp3yY8McwglB0IiufRG2JU3Z97Kj2D1DvU-F2jeLLNum6PE/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: small;">This week my 10 year old, Meg, (our first adoption) has been very introverted, quiet, and emotional. One night as we lay snuggling in my bed, (admit it---it's the favorite thing for any parent!) she just started sobbing. Not the "I-want-something-you're-not-giving-me" or the "I-didn't-get-my-way" or "I'm-so-tired-I-can't-function" cry, but the "My-heart-hurts-and-I-can't-articulate-why" cry. So I asked her: "Please tell me what's bothering you so I can help you." And she answered.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Why didn't T. [her birth mom] want me? Why did she give me away?"</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Ouch. Again. Oh my heart hurt. Almost as much as hers, I'm sure.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO-9vHrT5nRjkgqeRYjDp1wpkEtYLmwiHXJKbWN9VnY9lZOFfjtfU0wej1wJCT0reZStQMhx1jbh2HjSlofn8N1Eq4MVgVDaE19wQ6LwaM16XnONmFFr_AEW9eOHTZ9NyOzWMUCizOGSQ/s1600/a.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO-9vHrT5nRjkgqeRYjDp1wpkEtYLmwiHXJKbWN9VnY9lZOFfjtfU0wej1wJCT0reZStQMhx1jbh2HjSlofn8N1Eq4MVgVDaE19wQ6LwaM16XnONmFFr_AEW9eOHTZ9NyOzWMUCizOGSQ/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: small;">No matter how loving a placement is, the thing that has to occur before the loving placement is rejection by the most important person in any child's life: their birth mother. And no matter how much they are loved in their adoptive family, no matter how much we use the adoption-friendly vocabulary, they still have those questions that their little brains ask but aren't mature enough to process the answers. So we have to try to answer those questions the best way possible.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As Meg and I talked, she kept wanting to know where T. is. I told her truthfully that I have no idea. In the past, we have encouraged Meg to journal as best she can, her feelings. Sometimes they are phonetically spelled entries, sometimes they are pictures she draws. But at this point, journaling doesn't seem to be enough. After a lengthy and tearful discussion, I suggested we write letters to T. and make a special "mailbox" to put them in until we "find" her. Will we find her? Probably not. But until then, Meg can write letters to her anytime she wants and place them in this special box. We had a great time Mod Podge-ing an empty graham cracker box and cutting a slit in the top to place her letters to T. (The good news is that making this box was far less pressure filled than the Valentine Day boxes we all hate so much!)</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg033L4KVniU5qmnPvlbggY3S6g3behIdsuYFvAmtrnRi3TN_4xUcTR1VrXvl0iKx057vE0m38tQryvAePw4Eu0VcvGcCPK_UJPbs77QtjqEb23yglhO_fKTEqdiSV_4M0z6PVKt9Dccws/s1600/a.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg033L4KVniU5qmnPvlbggY3S6g3behIdsuYFvAmtrnRi3TN_4xUcTR1VrXvl0iKx057vE0m38tQryvAePw4Eu0VcvGcCPK_UJPbs77QtjqEb23yglhO_fKTEqdiSV_4M0z6PVKt9Dccws/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: small;">Meg's first letter was this:</span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Dear T.,</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I Miss you sooo Much. Wiy DiD you Give Me away Wiy Did you not want Me I Loved You so Much. Did I have a DaD/ and DiD i have sisters and berthrs to? DiD you Smok or Drec? I am 10 Naw.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I love you sooo Much. Please com Find Me.</span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Love MEG"</span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And we put it in the box. Meg asked if I wanted to write to T. too. Uh...ok. So I did. My letter - which I let Meg read before it went in our special box - was mostly letting T. know how much we love Meg. I told her how amazing and smart and wonderful Meg is. And how grateful we are that she is ours.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We will work this through. We have to. And we will. We are letting Meg process this as she is able and "allowing" her to have whatever feelings she has. </span></span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCLtD1hCR5YjXaCRYiS7G6AgpprNgNq_g-PE5TKBFgrDbUmC8kz7pdRu9hsIg1PB8IUn5pctJOQU1y99IVJ3PDuuUMwprzBX6DG-Lzew1pfuxoHrIWTqCKcrhjuRg6_xT65S4-vk5V0uw/s1600/a.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="124" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCLtD1hCR5YjXaCRYiS7G6AgpprNgNq_g-PE5TKBFgrDbUmC8kz7pdRu9hsIg1PB8IUn5pctJOQU1y99IVJ3PDuuUMwprzBX6DG-Lzew1pfuxoHrIWTqCKcrhjuRg6_xT65S4-vk5V0uw/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As all adoptive families will share, the decision to adopt brings with it countless issues and challenges as well as amazing pleasure and joy. Adopting a child of another race or culture adds additional elements to prepare for and consider. Not only is it an examination of personal beliefs regarding race and ethnicity before adopting a child of another race or culture necessary, but parents really need to explore their ability to tolerate being considered "different". And the child's struggles to be considered "different". Many families comfortably embrace being atypical. Their friends and countless others will support their choice, them, and the adopted child. Others need to be honest and realistic; they, their friends and family members, may be uncomfortable with standing out from the norm and not provide much support for the family or adopted child. </span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHu6qOGPV2P6owWpDT5og_5E6pXpQNRjgypuB01kDCN2RVShHfGmXbOuUnagtsTT4Km02qjIikodILZeiebMlWjP7HqJBCxzByJlSafjzSy2Pblg3QaGJiSRUcvJs5aE_uSLf0LHATugE/s1600/a.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHu6qOGPV2P6owWpDT5og_5E6pXpQNRjgypuB01kDCN2RVShHfGmXbOuUnagtsTT4Km02qjIikodILZeiebMlWjP7HqJBCxzByJlSafjzSy2Pblg3QaGJiSRUcvJs5aE_uSLf0LHATugE/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As we say frequently at Heart to Heart: "IT IS WHAT IT IS." Adopting transracially is difficult as the child grows up. As they grow and mature, their questions grow as well. And often, their little brains and hearts cannot process the questions they have. So again, we do the very best we can to keep our children loved, secure, and safe in knowing they are treasured.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Adoption authorities foresee the number and need for transracial adoptions will continue to increase over the coming years. As in marriage, true love is not enough to make any adoptive placement successful. However, with unconditional commitment, dedication, and LOTS of love, the likelihood success dramatically increases. Whether of differing cultures or ethnic backgrounds, one of the best things adoptive parents can do for their adoptive child and themselves is simply to enjoy them, to treasure and celebrate likenesses and difference,s and to let the child know they are a special and<i> wanted </i>child.</span><span style="font-size: small;"> In the meantime, there are many letters going in Meg's special box. She seems happy and content. Just getting those feelings out sometimes is enough. And through it all, Meg knows she is adored by her family.</span></div></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-51926111206610902062011-07-30T12:50:00.000-06:002011-07-30T12:50:41.267-06:00Where's the Handbook? Manual of Directions? Guidelines?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUXf5s8YbvyIhp9eae-MBJZ_xb0_Xd0fe7kIBoSu-EJCP8w7qf-PYLKGjF120BplkDbDHSOToaxQfrxP4lGhnurKJK0B0NAydedWPLhhZX6NhJl3DHxQLyFaFSUan-SJWnLgjC2NxsVq8/s1600/a.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUXf5s8YbvyIhp9eae-MBJZ_xb0_Xd0fe7kIBoSu-EJCP8w7qf-PYLKGjF120BplkDbDHSOToaxQfrxP4lGhnurKJK0B0NAydedWPLhhZX6NhJl3DHxQLyFaFSUan-SJWnLgjC2NxsVq8/s1600/a.bmp" t$="true" /></a></div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="177">There isn't one! There aren't guidelines for learning how to instill pride in a child who has been adopted transracially. </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF6pTe5h_UdaS7dX9V2DyU9mMSb-OGf4OI1nA_ZNX-gVFjAUEJ_9AOaoCAYOyZ3v__2iYRwkjO7akY6QZgzvW_WDF1KDwhmX3xmZFGjrWv6JfwtUyIiwH1J7fSLz68UyrakW6WOg4j1s0/s1600/a.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF6pTe5h_UdaS7dX9V2DyU9mMSb-OGf4OI1nA_ZNX-gVFjAUEJ_9AOaoCAYOyZ3v__2iYRwkjO7akY6QZgzvW_WDF1KDwhmX3xmZFGjrWv6JfwtUyIiwH1J7fSLz68UyrakW6WOg4j1s0/s200/a.bmp" t$="true" width="200" /></a></div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="207">When my husband, Mat, and I first looked into adoption, we were laser focused on how to adopt a baby rather than how to parent a child who would create our transracial family. We read everything we could find about successfully adopting, and spoke to anyone we could on the subject. We had dear friends who had adopted transracially, and were aware of some of the challenges that would arise, but less aware on how to tackle them. </div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="206"><br />
</div>When we became the proud adoptive parents of our sweet Meg, we dove right back into studying once again; trying to learn all we could from our favorite experts: Beth Hall, Amy Ford, Rhonda Roorda and Rita Simon, as well as the good old experts - Dr. Spock;, T. Berry Brazelton, Penelope Leach, etc. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrddrH3yG3ovEvHXZ9hcnpp9jIAGxjaPc5I1TyLuXg0dfzfi88LMwqtqBWFP_TuOaIXIUJAoPYW1ydPgmUvRq6kF2kLG-OJtq4KcHMJE2sZUBpgwy_BraMx45dD2-G3Ztp6vKwC5dvrXg/s1600/meg+bday8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrddrH3yG3ovEvHXZ9hcnpp9jIAGxjaPc5I1TyLuXg0dfzfi88LMwqtqBWFP_TuOaIXIUJAoPYW1ydPgmUvRq6kF2kLG-OJtq4KcHMJE2sZUBpgwy_BraMx45dD2-G3Ztp6vKwC5dvrXg/s200/meg+bday8.jpg" t$="true" width="200" /></a></div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="264">This year, Meg turned 10. TEN! And now our focus has shifted again - this time to a something that's a bit harder to master through the books. As white parents of a black daughter, we are now rushing to stay ahead of our Meg's growing sense of identity, her sense of self as a unique individual. I find myself proactively looking for answers to questions she may ask, while at the same time trying to give her a solid sense of who she is even before she even asks. </div><br />
<div closure_uid_ofim1j="176">When we experienced our first adoption 10+ years ago, the amazing resources available today did not exist. Sometimes I'm grateful it didn't - I wonder if so much knowledge at the very beginning of the process would have scared us too much to proceed with a transracial adoption. Still, I am very grateful for the education now; at least we know what's ahead and how to proceed. With our last adoption three years ago, I feel we were much more prepared and educated. With a transracially adopted child, we have a responsibility to educate these children every day and help them feel secure, grounded, and proud of their race and place in this society, family, and world.</div><br />
To fulfill that responsibility, some experts recommend: <br />
o interacting with people of your child's race <br />
<div closure_uid_ofim1j="170">o living in diverse neighborhoods </div>o finding same race mentors and role models for your child <br />
<div closure_uid_ofim1j="179">o advocating for unbiased learning materials in the commnity - the library, school, etc.</div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="181">o confronting racism openly and proactively </div>o understanding and providing special maintenance to hair and skin <br />
o celebrating all cultures <br />
<div closure_uid_ofim1j="182">o creating a positive cultural environment at home</div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="182"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="183">Unfortunately, there is no formula to assure that a child will grow up feeling proud of his or her ethnic heritage. We are the kind of people who like making lists and checking things off - especially my husband. I like to see that plan and follow it through; Mat, like most men, just want to "fix" everything. We have many friends who have adopted transracially, joined diversity groups, read books and gone to workshops, attended cultural festivals as a family. In fact - most parents involved in transracial adoptions make similar efforts. The majority of we who adopt are deliberate parents; we want to do right by our kids - especially because we have worked so hard and waited so long to get them. </div><br />
<b closure_uid_ofim1j="312">Facing Challenges</b> <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAQo4CnLOixNRfbZLMk4SrpKaVi98IWTEhnwg7qruQ6TmtorXsqcKrqtmsS-A2dryc4IobeCS55IdrZ-vehNlc5IGaJOOsf9PX4lHU4NMyH4L2TrPGfO3iyNXIfT0-BEE6KmkPuy5PJSQ/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAQo4CnLOixNRfbZLMk4SrpKaVi98IWTEhnwg7qruQ6TmtorXsqcKrqtmsS-A2dryc4IobeCS55IdrZ-vehNlc5IGaJOOsf9PX4lHU4NMyH4L2TrPGfO3iyNXIfT0-BEE6KmkPuy5PJSQ/s200/a.jpg" t$="true" width="152" /></a></div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="313">Ultimately, we have had to come to terms with an inescapable reality: we cannot master transracial parenting. No matter how many things on the list we do, no matter how exemplary we ourselves might be as role models, no matter how much we love our sons and daughters, we cannot be our child's color and part of his or her cultural heritage. No matter how much I'd like to "be brown" (as Meg says) for a day - or a week, month, or year - it just isn't going to happen.</div><br />
It's taken years - YEARS - for me to accept that I'm never going to parent our children perfectly. However, this news that could be quite discouraging, was actually quite liberating for me - us. Once we acknowledged the challenges facing us, we could break things down into manageable tasks. Then we did what all parents do: try hard, do our best every single day, and hope for the best. HOPE. It's a great word and a great emotion. <br />
<br />
Acknowledging that transracial parenting is not a perfect science, we've learned some valuable lessons along the way...<br />
<br />
Diversity is not enough. Diversity is good, but it's just not enough.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrPKFpmn2I190Z8C2xD9uU4SqPxcVYX53EcU4pUmIknfOIDCVWtY4J6WJdQrygt9tS0Rzky5zsYfO3R6QZ_0cKgvLq8LB-vWYFimSjvaDsJa1sRTRomqYj58Sy92jfRJAmBppKfdUujyU/s1600/a.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrPKFpmn2I190Z8C2xD9uU4SqPxcVYX53EcU4pUmIknfOIDCVWtY4J6WJdQrygt9tS0Rzky5zsYfO3R6QZ_0cKgvLq8LB-vWYFimSjvaDsJa1sRTRomqYj58Sy92jfRJAmBppKfdUujyU/s1600/a.bmp" t$="true" /></a></div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="185">We live in a pretty diverse community, with neighbors from Japan, Samoa, New Zealand, Hawaii, and Korea, but our daughter does not find herself reflected in any one of them. Being with "not white" is not enough; transracially adopted kids need people like themselves in their lives. Choosing a certain babysitter, Cub Scout troop, or even hairdresser can influence a child's sense of self. </div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="385"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="342"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="342"><b>Surprises!</b> </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXllFginDBqDRLCNaji09EHT8WIykz0SO80K787nv_Ip4jHLPzHidwzdpvh5wNVZOhRZBwbkUqFusBvM5XRU0oU-6JSBtVYS88ANYmOn-uaoyjRppmeRpo3ygz41mKleRSks9LGuc8FaE/s1600/a.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXllFginDBqDRLCNaji09EHT8WIykz0SO80K787nv_Ip4jHLPzHidwzdpvh5wNVZOhRZBwbkUqFusBvM5XRU0oU-6JSBtVYS88ANYmOn-uaoyjRppmeRpo3ygz41mKleRSks9LGuc8FaE/s1600/a.bmp" t$="true" /></a></div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="428">Years ago, in our blind enthusiam to meet people of Meg's race, we acted as though economic circumstances did not matter, and inadvertently accentuated differences more than similarities. Our family talked a lot about friends who had gone to Africa on service missions. Yes, it was amazing to hear of the service provided to these people who live a completely different life than us. Their villages were a far cry from our middle class neighborhood at home. It was a wonderful experience, but we learned that we have to seek out more than just race as a common ground. </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOiaiGbqXe1Ghz3oXTKUK_O-lCsPEaA3fFVuHl1uF7_UIbGwshjp5diED00EVkJgsI5BU_m4bpOZPDoF7H_2swtWYHKafzEmriFrQrUNI0-86EZmZX5pXqV6Drk_n5bi5301XbsCaoBGM/s1600/bieber+movie1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOiaiGbqXe1Ghz3oXTKUK_O-lCsPEaA3fFVuHl1uF7_UIbGwshjp5diED00EVkJgsI5BU_m4bpOZPDoF7H_2swtWYHKafzEmriFrQrUNI0-86EZmZX5pXqV6Drk_n5bi5301XbsCaoBGM/s200/bieber+movie1.jpg" t$="true" width="200" /></a></div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="191">Trans-racial parenting has been both harder than we imagined, and not so hard at all. While these additional efforts might seem to make things harder, none is really a hardship.Transracial parenting requires different deliberate efforts than same race parenting, but it is so rewarding and so worthwhile. Interestingly enough, what feels difficult about transracial parenting is building a feeling of "ordinariness" into extraordinary days; making experiences into more than just a series of field trips and meeting people, but creating for our daughters a secure and unified life. </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOGynn4SuaBIdAmzshK-iT231CnKNgYVF4p1uIZQO-oHqqMJGQsmMa4g6YJDBH5RzT6rqi0E1OJQu3qodh3s8jRc8Xui_jI6FhSr50FnJFv2oYl2zr0w2lBUR4MfYwxWN-SKlceqFVYs8/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOGynn4SuaBIdAmzshK-iT231CnKNgYVF4p1uIZQO-oHqqMJGQsmMa4g6YJDBH5RzT6rqi0E1OJQu3qodh3s8jRc8Xui_jI6FhSr50FnJFv2oYl2zr0w2lBUR4MfYwxWN-SKlceqFVYs8/s200/a.jpg" t$="true" width="200" /></a></div>The range of transracial parenting experiences has forced our family out of our comfort zone, and developed an extra measure of unity and courage in us all. Being part of a mixed race family has challenged us at times, but mostly enlightened us and altered our individual personalities by bringing out great qualities and characteristics we may have never realized. We've had to become more boldly public as a transracial family. We look to proud and successful women of various races for clues on how to raise our daughter. Asking strangers to help in this way can be scary, and we've been rejected before, but we've also been amazed at openness at time and the value of these discussions. The more we have reached out to people unlike ourselves, the easier it's been building a good rapport with strangers. We've realized that people aren't so different after all. Beyond all its other benefits, transracial parenting inevitably boosted our family's unity. <br />
<br />
<div closure_uid_ofim1j="522">We also realized that Meg and Halle might not care as much as we do about all this. Parents are sometimes more motivated to learn about their children's 'culture' than the children are. After we went to great lengths to find and attend a family night with other transracial families, all Meg seems to remember is the swimming pool and the cotton candy we had at the barbeque. </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdVK3cyrU9Jq9M2cvyU78PB7PmXLEvalBE_HrRTWrgy21CiHRnLa9Xl_lsxHh845aOUdgmwpBlE685cHxNFz8jQXCxw7AO6Ttciw22S3eV0MxYPABNGQtBO6uehSigQ9YNL6zG7lhyphenhyphenQM/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKdVK3cyrU9Jq9M2cvyU78PB7PmXLEvalBE_HrRTWrgy21CiHRnLa9Xl_lsxHh845aOUdgmwpBlE685cHxNFz8jQXCxw7AO6Ttciw22S3eV0MxYPABNGQtBO6uehSigQ9YNL6zG7lhyphenhyphenQM/s200/a.jpg" t$="true" width="200" /></a></div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="523">Transracially adopted children aren't necessarily motivated to learn all they can about their birth cultures, any more than same race children are, but we still feel it's important for our family to be educated. This continuous effort at making ourselves more racially sensitive and aware, however, pushed us toward extremes at times. Once my racial radar goes on, I seem to notice racism everywhere. In our enthusiasm to "do the right things" with Meg, we moved a bit too close to the zealot zone; overdoing our quest for racial enlightenment. In our quest to educate ourselves about Meg's ethnicities, we lost sight of the main goal of enhancing her pride, not ours, in her heritage - while maintaining her secutiry in our family. </div><br />
<div closure_uid_ofim1j="570">Sometimes when I think about the challenges ahead of us, navigating the parental waters with Meg and guiding her from a little girl to a teenager and then to a woman, I get completely exhausted. Fortunately, parenting brings so many rewards to make the journey amazing and worthwhile, and parenting Meg and Halle does seem extra measure special. I do try to remember what Meg's birthmom's parting words to me were: "I am black. You are white. You raise her to be a strong, black woman." </div><br />
<div closure_uid_ofim1j="571">Our hope is that one day Meg and Halle will make this quest to know whatever they want to know about their heritage. We hope that if that time of searching comes, Meg's early experiences will resonate with a deep feeling of secutiry and confidence. We also want our children - all of them - to know how much we care about who they are, as unique individuals.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl8YAtuR3cwm7-WWgcazRcN7UKg3lI_60ZK0q0rKb4gp9xixpCIM5dbiPSCVfE_lEUZSbXO_FB9SoAw_ATz2TCeYZQv9lUxwTFToO_iweCJt7pGGR_OLAjf-HWL-pIzB-kWuGPJldrs1g/s1600/wink.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl8YAtuR3cwm7-WWgcazRcN7UKg3lI_60ZK0q0rKb4gp9xixpCIM5dbiPSCVfE_lEUZSbXO_FB9SoAw_ATz2TCeYZQv9lUxwTFToO_iweCJt7pGGR_OLAjf-HWL-pIzB-kWuGPJldrs1g/s200/wink.jpg" t$="true" width="148" /></a></div><div closure_uid_ofim1j="193">We do have fun; serious issues don't have to be somber. We get a kick out of the interesting reactions our mixed family elicits in some people. We laugh - a lot - at the ignorance we encounter. But we are a more united family for being on this journey together. Transracial families usually feel that they see the world more clearly than others, because we've experienced it from so many different angles than our plain vanilla counterparts.</div><br />
When all is said and done, I suspect that it's more difficult to be a transracial family; harder for parents and harder for children. Like most things in life, though, the greater the challenge, the greater the reward. For us, the challenge of raising a child with a strong and uplifting sense of self has been frustrating and demanding, as well as enriching and enlightening. <br />
<br />
And our journey has barely begun. We find joy in our journey...bring it on! </div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-19522388385994301232011-07-11T15:22:00.000-06:002011-07-11T15:22:46.516-06:00The Dreaded False Start<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic0MwtvyOO6hBO8OubguGHut0eXxFlU1in9TZEkODqpfjwD6b0iWp2xKRjLc3If_msU6kNob8Kxe06cEM52Si6aqzsG4laibRYWlbQ0vlOcKTHPZ20YlXe00sxc8P52IjWuUwPiLnQCE4/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" m$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic0MwtvyOO6hBO8OubguGHut0eXxFlU1in9TZEkODqpfjwD6b0iWp2xKRjLc3If_msU6kNob8Kxe06cEM52Si6aqzsG4laibRYWlbQ0vlOcKTHPZ20YlXe00sxc8P52IjWuUwPiLnQCE4/s200/a.jpg" width="147" /></a></div>This is one of those delicate and uncomfortable subjects to address: a failed placement. Those of us who are adoptive parents know - the light at the end of the tunnel is totally worth it - <em>parenthood</em>! But the journey is filled with twists and turns, and, possibly, a major detour. The bad news: sometimes a family is matched with a birthmother who decides not to place her baby with them - or even not at all. The good news: almost every prospective parent who faces such challenges goes on to adopt. And these parents say they ended up with the child who was “meant to be” theirs. Here are a few ideas about what you might expect and how you might lessen your risk of an unsuccessful adoption and how to move toward your ultimate goal - parenthood.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOqOHsvWoqI-bVxgPJeGywDXtfbbL4gXGm5tlqzpdnSVbKu1XsPcZXoFEBljmTB2wmA_FmE7sX5d2LcO5522fkM38W62IQXxOtUzycdCQE_rgvgwv0bmGQTg1QLlChgmTnIZZdlUqxIC0/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="182" m$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOqOHsvWoqI-bVxgPJeGywDXtfbbL4gXGm5tlqzpdnSVbKu1XsPcZXoFEBljmTB2wmA_FmE7sX5d2LcO5522fkM38W62IQXxOtUzycdCQE_rgvgwv0bmGQTg1QLlChgmTnIZZdlUqxIC0/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>When a prospective adoptive family starts the adoption process, you begin with paperwork - lots of it - and then the home study and subseqent approval process. Once this is complete, your profile is shown to prospective birthmother(s) and then ....you’re matched with a birthmother, <em>not with a child</em>. Many pregnant women explore adoption options, and many change their minds along the way—choosing to parent or selecting a different family to adopt the child. Thus, some adoptive parents may begin working with an birthmother who later changes her mind. Most of these "false starts" happen soon after the match is made, before it’s progressed beyond a single, casual conversation. And at Heart to Heart, we minimize the risk of this by requiring birthmothers to participate in regular counseling, both individual and group therapy sessions. <br />
<br />
Unfortunately, there are no surefire ways to avoid a false start, but at Heart to Heart we are able to mitigate the risk because you, as an adoptive family, will be working with our experienced professionals. There are also 'red flags' that sometimes occur when a birthother is unsure of her decision, and the counselors at Heart to Heart are very aware of this, and are able to address those as they arise. Again, there are no surefire ways to avoid a birthmother changing her mind, but at Heart, we put those risks at a minimum.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6E4EczH8aL-Dx3CttTZRCLrGY7TpbzhnmxZzDUR55heQkpzqwQM-Pr9zlHxmhn0eXrvgej5B_ikGvSKYFo4UkfZ6FbbJSISouNDU3yoBUAHcpx42pHcPB3tlHcmDOnMtErVIrmUnpQpo/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" m$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6E4EczH8aL-Dx3CttTZRCLrGY7TpbzhnmxZzDUR55heQkpzqwQM-Pr9zlHxmhn0eXrvgej5B_ikGvSKYFo4UkfZ6FbbJSISouNDU3yoBUAHcpx42pHcPB3tlHcmDOnMtErVIrmUnpQpo/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Good communication between all the parties is a must. As one of our adoptive mothers stated, "I'd much rather know the risks up front and along the way than turn a blind eye and hope that everything just turns out fine..." The open communication we encourage at Heart, as well as the appropriate counseling we offer, helps the birthmother feel sure about the decision she makes as well as keep the family 'in the loop' and aware of what's going on along the way. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwNdU_dbib01myKNF1_kp2OEQ_SCk0oMoJNOYdgR4jygk-iH_vhdZbP3Gk770_sQGPY1yV6mCnJdHciYCSQZjaNXSLrLQu7cEBDlZfybmJcpJjCiO9ElyzAUE5FrKe27RYEdz9WWmbq-s/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" m$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwNdU_dbib01myKNF1_kp2OEQ_SCk0oMoJNOYdgR4jygk-iH_vhdZbP3Gk770_sQGPY1yV6mCnJdHciYCSQZjaNXSLrLQu7cEBDlZfybmJcpJjCiO9ElyzAUE5FrKe27RYEdz9WWmbq-s/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div>Acceptance of a setback is not easy. Our adoptive family workers help parents understand that what happened was specific to their individual situation. <em>It does not happen every time</em>, and there will be a successful placement in the future. If you stick with the process, you will adopt. We encourage parents to work through the loss, accept what is not to be, and then <em>keep going down the path</em>. The way you process the loss is a matter of personal preference. Some families jump right back in, seeing no advantage in pulling their name off the list. Most believe they'd heal best by believing they'd be a family before too long. A few families, on the other hand, prefer to take some time after a false start. The decision is very personal and our experienced counselors and adoptive family workers will help you work through the decision that is best for you.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-eYxWkRd_NTBTBKiOKi1555o2W1FJGkQnMMcxaCh5_ocsY9kGGA32znt7S20fR-9ZozvPws9xnA4H1nVwRP3PaVIHBU5Nz3Se9luVPvxEb3FNk9fLrRb5byQp8HdE88kTHWkxKuD0VjQ/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" m$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-eYxWkRd_NTBTBKiOKi1555o2W1FJGkQnMMcxaCh5_ocsY9kGGA32znt7S20fR-9ZozvPws9xnA4H1nVwRP3PaVIHBU5Nz3Se9luVPvxEb3FNk9fLrRb5byQp8HdE88kTHWkxKuD0VjQ/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div>When a prospective placement doesn’t end in adoption, <em>do not see it as a failure</em>. In the end, the bumps in the road to adoption build great resiliency - something that is very helpful during parenthood! In fact, the feeling of finally adopting the child who was so clearly “meant to be” is shared by nearly every parent who has gone through such difficult challenges. As difficult as it is to hear "maybe it just wasn’t meant to be," it's the truth! Another adoptive mother shared the following: “I'd always wanted a good relationship with our birthmom - and I do. I cannot fathom having this relationship with the other birthmom we were matched with. And, <em>of course</em>, I cannot fathom having any other baby! If our previous match had been successful, I wouldn’t have my Elizabeth.”<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Bottom line? Hang in there! Although the heartbreak of a failed placement can be great, the desire to be a parent will far outweigh the heartbreak of a placement that wasn't meant to be.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbSaN4vZ1GNksvR4uquZd0-Y-YC3qJO6RhXDuHa2Dx8UI_y2gB3eEZjlfk0uFQz7xSlIkqZHH-qDPN5cyfvDh0wXQ19Fx7dNd0ZKSYwvwhC9cciFfgQQHOszf7WaRlUNXr-CKbihvIk60/s1600/hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="120" m$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbSaN4vZ1GNksvR4uquZd0-Y-YC3qJO6RhXDuHa2Dx8UI_y2gB3eEZjlfk0uFQz7xSlIkqZHH-qDPN5cyfvDh0wXQ19Fx7dNd0ZKSYwvwhC9cciFfgQQHOszf7WaRlUNXr-CKbihvIk60/s200/hands.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-40827982739340499212011-06-21T11:38:00.000-06:002011-06-21T11:38:58.506-06:00The PLAY Room!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=5c89ed8f65&view=att&th=12ec0ccb181210bc&attid=0.1&disp=inline&zw" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="IMG00142-20110316-1622.jpg" class="hv" height="150" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=5c89ed8f65&view=att&th=12ec0ccb181210bc&attid=0.1&disp=thd&zw" width="200" /></a><span id=":dm"></span>We recently moved into a new home. (new to us anyway) And lucky Halle, our 3 year old, even gets her own play room.I'm pretty sure I am more excited than her, but I'm admitting it - proudly! So as I set up the play room, I have big plans: a dress up area, a 'book nook', a kitchen area, and a place to play with dolls, Barbies, and the Little Tykes doll house and figures. </div><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Figures.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt0CsbSuSMGUE0vnElsO-F0M8okrtJq-lJbfku_UYg5U4HlayfCsmpryfxnCuiSiGiYL5S1r4i4UOvPeICoeQOSqrlA0C5Y0NnkYXLBHeEshxD0aw11w22aSQpZlJgcr0EBQfv9WYMXiQ/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" i$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt0CsbSuSMGUE0vnElsO-F0M8okrtJq-lJbfku_UYg5U4HlayfCsmpryfxnCuiSiGiYL5S1r4i4UOvPeICoeQOSqrlA0C5Y0NnkYXLBHeEshxD0aw11w22aSQpZlJgcr0EBQfv9WYMXiQ/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">That's where we ran into our first challenge. We went to pull out the Little Tikes play house and have lost all the "guys"* that go to it. (*the kids call them "guys") So off we head to Toys R Us to get figures to go with it. We saw the Fisher Price Loving Family Dollhouse and the figures that go with that. We found the Little Tikes figures to go with the house we have. </div><br />
Here's the thing: have you noticed they don't sell the transracial family pack? Yeah. They don't. They have the Caucasian family and the African American family. I heard they have an Asian family, although it must have been sold out or something because we didn't see it on the rack. Anyway, we decided to buy several Caucasian families to represent everyone in our family, and then two Afrcian American families to represent us accurately there.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzELXBnkRjadyHKtLlCLkT_eWevONwWwEsI77wOq5sFThW8qqb3y7YKQFlosQYmWgrymlbURQilUj34yOcHF5eB8MbJG2dSjiP1ncxLmF08rVdHjStJBUJOCLqgmow6j99l1NFDFXbrpg/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" i$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzELXBnkRjadyHKtLlCLkT_eWevONwWwEsI77wOq5sFThW8qqb3y7YKQFlosQYmWgrymlbURQilUj34yOcHF5eB8MbJG2dSjiP1ncxLmF08rVdHjStJBUJOCLqgmow6j99l1NFDFXbrpg/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>We brought them home and play time was awesome. In fact, we have assigned the "extra" figures different roles...people in our lives. And they change every day...different friends or family members.<br />
<br />
I understand why Fisher Price, Little Tykes, and every company probably cannot accomodate representing transracial families - or any other kind of "different" family. But it's yet another reminder that our family <em>is </em>different. But guess what? <br />
<br />
<em>It's ok.</em><br />
<br />
It provided us another open dialogue - again - and let us decide how to view this. It let us decide to be positive about it - and even laugh about it a little - as we assigned each new figure a name and role. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBOTR8Mj4dsDIcgQE1eNesGPfb6LkMZ2N4HpGKxnqN6Rg0EEA7A_zTejRLgaKezUyWZG17AcMjKNMau_Qcbd4DRwGwGKjerenBpOjxIlfKbK0AhCOsIN8F3Qk9vCLJBjZwRPAlHmyh4wc/s1600/h+at+parks2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" i$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBOTR8Mj4dsDIcgQE1eNesGPfb6LkMZ2N4HpGKxnqN6Rg0EEA7A_zTejRLgaKezUyWZG17AcMjKNMau_Qcbd4DRwGwGKjerenBpOjxIlfKbK0AhCOsIN8F3Qk9vCLJBjZwRPAlHmyh4wc/s200/h+at+parks2.JPG" width="119" /></a></div>I was reminded again that <em>we </em>decide how to handle these seemingly small issues that can be big issues to a child. But we can make it a fun, positive thing. And we will!</div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-57218596919066248262011-06-10T06:54:00.000-06:002011-06-10T06:54:07.456-06:00The Good News!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcSIzj8RrPKvv7ZbUK3U2CW2pKLw12duPcQHhqilyIuJrpqkTSUlky9hmaKjG0NPTgtVGpQiZOnKOFuX_AJq234_nKchScP0_OEYaaz8j8-NLinG3HCJ9MRmrCHnMcYlFFkfvzA9ZUHPw/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcSIzj8RrPKvv7ZbUK3U2CW2pKLw12duPcQHhqilyIuJrpqkTSUlky9hmaKjG0NPTgtVGpQiZOnKOFuX_AJq234_nKchScP0_OEYaaz8j8-NLinG3HCJ9MRmrCHnMcYlFFkfvzA9ZUHPw/s200/a.jpg" t8="true" width="200" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">First, I apologze that so much time has passed since the last blog. And I appreciate the people I work with at Heart to Heart for being so understanding. I have had a few personal challenges this month and was unable to blog. Thank you for hanging in there, dear readers, and thank you to the amazing women at Heart to Heart - especially Donna - for your patience and understanding. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Now back to business!</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieh3cBU1tAZKTBgOMuDbLwy0HJUvw-7ti5zJh3VKhC2q9Zt-JbBgLm1k4HNWW3zYg5PIdA7hnAyfgq1JJmMBEWQ_7bbLLu5AKbfkgi-l5KvW0j8ev0LsFdc2ZrTpgo3RnAFTMo7tys-dM/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieh3cBU1tAZKTBgOMuDbLwy0HJUvw-7ti5zJh3VKhC2q9Zt-JbBgLm1k4HNWW3zYg5PIdA7hnAyfgq1JJmMBEWQ_7bbLLu5AKbfkgi-l5KvW0j8ev0LsFdc2ZrTpgo3RnAFTMo7tys-dM/s200/a.jpg" t8="true" width="200" /></a>We have been working hard with Meg, our 10 year old (and first adoption in our family) to express her feelings. She has had a hard time with identifying feelings and then she stifles til she blows a gasket. So we have made a concerted effort to encourage her to stop and think about what she's feeling, put a label on the feeling(s), and TALK about them. She can get/be as mad and angry and sad and frustrated as she wants. She can do whatever she needs to to blow of steam, But she has to identify her feelings first.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>It's been a work in progress. But we are making baby steps.A few days ago Meg called me and said, "Mom, Mati* (*my 9 yr old) hurt my feelings." <br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"></div><br />
She did it! She put a label to her feelings!! Wahoo!!<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So I said, "Meg, I'm so sorry your feelings were hurt. What happened?" Apparently my three daughters, Chloe age 11, Meg age 10, and Mati age 9, were all on the bus coming home from school when the incident occurred. Meg said:</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxnB6kYrNUQYi6C9CiCLxci51mGcupI950kd6rABMsuk9oZu6svaLptFJqsruPrRNewYoZWXrcJfY3VZ2Fz5xvKGljR2WAqeD4UrB3J1r-x6miO0Updq9Jgazy4Vo5lyG5mMA_wafuf7s/s1600/cmm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxnB6kYrNUQYi6C9CiCLxci51mGcupI950kd6rABMsuk9oZu6svaLptFJqsruPrRNewYoZWXrcJfY3VZ2Fz5xvKGljR2WAqeD4UrB3J1r-x6miO0Updq9Jgazy4Vo5lyG5mMA_wafuf7s/s200/cmm.jpg" t8="true" width="200" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">"We were on the bus and some girl said to Mati, 'Are those your sisters?' And Mati said yes. The girl said, '<em>Those </em>two?" pointing to Chloe (Caucasian) and Meg (AA). And Mati said <u>yes.</u> Then the girl said 'Why is one brown and one white?' And Mati got to say, 'Because Meg is adopted.' And that hurt my feelings because she said it first! And <em>I wanted to say I'm adopted - first!"</em></div><br />
<br />
Did I hear this right?<em> Meg had her feelings hurt because Mati said it first.</em><br />
<br />
I said,<strong> "Oh Meg. I'm so sorry Mati shared your good news before you could. I'll talk to her about that. Mati may just be jealous that you're adopted and she's not." </strong><br />
<br />
<grin> Let me just insert here that we have had some funny conversations with Mati regarding adoption. She went through about a year of asking, "Who's my birth mom?" and I had to just say, "Me! I'm your birthmom. Sorry...." Every time she'd ask it was as if she was hoping the answer would change. I feel good about that because adoption is such a positive thing in our home that everyone wants to be part of it! <br />
<br />
OK back to the conversation about the bus ride home. Then Meg said, "Why did the girl say, 'both of them?' Why would she think we aren't all sisters?" Big pause. "Is it because Chloe and Mati are white?"<br />
<br />
I said, "Yes."<br />
<br />
Meg: "So she didn't understand just because we don't look alike?"<br />
<br />
Arrrggghhhhh! It was so sweet and innocent. She did not undertsand why that girl would question their sisterhood. And then...she assumed it was because Chloe and Mati are white - not because she is brown.<br />
<br />
Again, in a way, I was proud. Because Meg is proud to be brown. And here's how I know that:<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Meg is convinced anyone who goes tanning just wants to look like her.</li>
<li>She will often take my face in her hands and say, "Mom, I bet you wish you were brown like me, don't you?" And believe me, people, the answer is always yes. </li>
<li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSCH2laGtCSzyiz-6ZFg3_9wpq_EcSwYyNhWjtJW_7rk71OqAU0A2FdhRrlGpCDlolSzU5gkkEqRt1R5ifyzYyxNu-cOu1zXwDJfYgg8brJ-Ngeu1iPTFUYX1kdpjhHw1Mpj5f6gRq8dk/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSCH2laGtCSzyiz-6ZFg3_9wpq_EcSwYyNhWjtJW_7rk71OqAU0A2FdhRrlGpCDlolSzU5gkkEqRt1R5ifyzYyxNu-cOu1zXwDJfYgg8brJ-Ngeu1iPTFUYX1kdpjhHw1Mpj5f6gRq8dk/s320/a.jpg" t8="true" width="320" /></a>She takes great satisfaction during the summer in always having the best 'tan'.</li>
<li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">She is convinced every boy in her class has a crush on her. And she'll say things like, "Tyler has a crush on me - probably because I'm so good at soccer." Or, "Brayden says I'm beautiful - probably because I'm brown." Or, "Marcus wants me to be his girlfriend, probably because I am the best skateboarder and he likes my braids."</li>
</ul>Now don't get me wrong here - remember that I'm not sharing all aspects of life - and in our family we work as hard on her feeling beautiful on the inside as the outside. But admit it, my Adoptive Parent Friends, we do have to address the brown-ness and make sure our kids are secure in it being a wonderfully positive thing. And we do it often. Because as I've mentioned in other posts, there are already those who make negative comments - even though it usually isn't intended to hurt.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So when she questioned why someone would questions their sisterhood just because they are different skin color, it was interesting to me that she didn't say "...because I'm black...", she thought it was because Chloe and Mati are white. So my husband said, "Meg, people often notice only what people look like and make judgments. I wonder how many people think, 'Wow, look at all those pasty people in that family!' " And Meg lost it. She was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe! Then he went on:</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">"Or maybe they say, 'Hey look at that bald, chubby dad..." or "Look! That mom is in a wheelchair." or "Hey, that baby wears glasses!"</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Meg just giggled and giggled. Because we just <em>got it out there.</em> No, it wasn't politically correct. But it was true. People <em>do </em>think those things when our family walks into a room. And they think other things about other families. Is it 'right'? Probably not. Is it human nature? Probably so. But my husband and I feel like if we acknowledge what's out there - no matter how uncomfortable it may seem - we empower the children - especially Meg - to handle what comes their way. And we feel like if we can put a positive - or even humorous spin on it - we can empower her, as well as our other children, to respond to things, come what may.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Maybe we aren't handling it the way Dr. Phil would say is appropriate. But again, we all have to find what works in our homes; we have to work with our family dynamic, the child's personality, the child's developmental level and emotional capability, etc. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">But bottom line? Meg just wanted to share her own <em>good news:</em> SHE'S ADOPTED. AND PROUD OF IT.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">You go, girl!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqbp-MAWMNTtSnW6rul6bGyysXDwcxu2PTcssFsg9PC4rhnBUQBhHjanSyCKwec57UcpZY8nlWn3ssWGO_WV3jZqqa7GbUPPIcwrFErkIbG5r64TsuGS9j5_pIBzeDx4Vi6q-s40TH2Ho/s1600/reception_256.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqbp-MAWMNTtSnW6rul6bGyysXDwcxu2PTcssFsg9PC4rhnBUQBhHjanSyCKwec57UcpZY8nlWn3ssWGO_WV3jZqqa7GbUPPIcwrFErkIbG5r64TsuGS9j5_pIBzeDx4Vi6q-s40TH2Ho/s320/reception_256.jpg" t8="true" width="229" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-25969562491992117002011-05-07T11:21:00.000-06:002011-05-07T11:21:18.497-06:00Happy Mother's Day - to all!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let's face it: Mother's Day can be tricky. The Saturday before Mother's Day is traditionally Birth Mother's Day. Then...Mother's Day. Yet for some reason, some of us, as adoptive mothers, relegate ourselves to second place as mothers, feeling that the birth mother really deserves to be placed on a pedestal. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She does. On many levels. But so do we , as adoptive moms. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img class="rg_i" data-sz="f" height="120" name="FXziGNpOAx8vNM:" src="data:image/jpg;base64,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" style="display: inline; height: 120px; width: 80px;" width="80" />I had an interesting conversation several years ago with Donna, the director of Heart to Heart, and an adoptive mother to 3 boys. She said something along the lines of, "When can I just be the mom, and quit feeling like I have to always acknowledge birthmothers first?" If you're an adoptive mother, you understand these feelings completely and without judgement.</span><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT5DckliAkY4ol9M-dKBdFVMZ9rK_zn3n_Z32jMnNa1ASwxv3kQ" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" class="rg_hi" data-height="160" data-width="160" height="160" id="rg_hi" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT5DckliAkY4ol9M-dKBdFVMZ9rK_zn3n_Z32jMnNa1ASwxv3kQ" style="height: 160px; width: 160px;" width="160" /></a></div><br />
<div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We are the menders of hurt, the mothers who make our children whole enough to understand losses. Like everything of value, we need to brokerthis valued child and his/her adoption, support it, risk manage it… and at the end of the day wear it with pride. We are the mother<span style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"> </span>s who heal.</span></div>It seems like we, as adoptive mothers, should take time to celebrate ourselves as mothers! We are the mothers making our children at home with themselves. We are the means (when our children grow up) for our children to connect to what was, what might have been, and what may be. We empower our children to make relationships and connections in the world. And perhaps more importantly we empower them to look for routes out and on from “who they have been nurtured into being” as opposed to the roots from where they came. By celebrating roots, we give them their wings.<br />
<br />
<br />
So go ahead, enjoy Mother's Day. You've waited a long time for this day...and you're now a mother.<br />
<br />
Happy MOTHER'S Day!<br />
<div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"></div></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-4400406424870073122011-04-20T17:08:00.000-06:002011-04-20T17:08:20.414-06:00An Adoptive Family Update Letter!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">We LOVE getting updates from our wonderful adoptive families. Here is an update from adoptive mom, Raegan:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2AlWOPXvNGHxhA8S5U4ia67tvagZlXJEWplT_5vLGB18UgLjHsJ-0zNtH6xnKF6pPI-Su9-aXTN_7L4Wi9Bb6dKSj1afjjWyHt1lv7s4kITgeUpJvw7G-N2zSuY1CTlVosBQeHKxitqM/s1600/b2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2AlWOPXvNGHxhA8S5U4ia67tvagZlXJEWplT_5vLGB18UgLjHsJ-0zNtH6xnKF6pPI-Su9-aXTN_7L4Wi9Bb6dKSj1afjjWyHt1lv7s4kITgeUpJvw7G-N2zSuY1CTlVosBQeHKxitqM/s1600/b2.jpg" /></a>"Well, here is another update of my not so little man ( Sob,Sob). Boston is now two and a half which he proudly will tell you. This kid just gets cuter and cuter, although I guess I am a little biased. We are still loving every minute with him... o.k. I didn't love the minute where he was having a meltdown in the dollar store and screaming at the top of his lungs. Although it seems like a funny story now. He is fully in underwear and there is no looking back. He spends most of his days in the great outdoors, playing in the sandbox, and on his playground. Most of the time in a shirt and undies; just doesn't like the pants.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNvELNCZ9TdFKD9SNqpLw7jFxAQJDbuwqpnIGqpuSOmFtxqvRmpCRTEWUAQAmfuZs-y2dZkB6drPWBt0UBSegj8lgGRa-W8ZEfaNIMyDAbOVAtt0f4f3L2H6Qn_k92S5Bh7_Ri1QYrTD4/s1600/b3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNvELNCZ9TdFKD9SNqpLw7jFxAQJDbuwqpnIGqpuSOmFtxqvRmpCRTEWUAQAmfuZs-y2dZkB6drPWBt0UBSegj8lgGRa-W8ZEfaNIMyDAbOVAtt0f4f3L2H6Qn_k92S5Bh7_Ri1QYrTD4/s1600/b3.jpg" /></a></div>For the longest time he would see something of his from when he was a baby and say, "When I was a baby in mommy's tummy!" Now when you ask him, he says he was in Tangela's tummy. I am so glad he will always know about where he came from and how much he is and was loved from the start. It still surprises me the things people will say. We actually once had someone ask us if we thought we would tell him if he was adopted...HELLO, unless he is super slow ... I am sure he will figure that out!<br />
<br />
I could go on and on and on about this little boy and how much we love him, and are so fortunate to have him, BUT Mama needs some sleep. We really wish you lived closer, Shelly. I know Bosti and Halle would be good buddies.<br />
<br />
We are sending lots of love and kisses,<br />
Raegan" <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnLRJziXVsTmxi-KnhLlfd7i6ikiLw_eTS7bCk1Z_ufTgb9DfTBBZLBIPanbXh4yn2UwereARLkk4zvOAALwJnjdN23BpDPCeWK26LyQC9akEhxHAE7cIs_HGQfog4QiBNR86n-_n83B4/s1600/b1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnLRJziXVsTmxi-KnhLlfd7i6ikiLw_eTS7bCk1Z_ufTgb9DfTBBZLBIPanbXh4yn2UwereARLkk4zvOAALwJnjdN23BpDPCeWK26LyQC9akEhxHAE7cIs_HGQfog4QiBNR86n-_n83B4/s1600/b1.jpg" /></a></div><br />
</div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-19962459686688803302011-04-06T19:50:00.000-06:002011-04-06T19:50:57.097-06:00Tough Talk. Crucial Conversations. Difficult Discussions. Call if what you want....it's still not easy!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAlMvn8SioFjANbWeiO0ikGW1df-LJ9fuajGqKWn9obOvVAS9ZH9PcJNEabxNpdc6-yB4ZlloC7EoLF6Hpe586k3NyX2ChGwssaXwMUOX-uEgOBCoEBnQWaPVv8qnpl1mT-5OvncVAjRI/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAlMvn8SioFjANbWeiO0ikGW1df-LJ9fuajGqKWn9obOvVAS9ZH9PcJNEabxNpdc6-yB4ZlloC7EoLF6Hpe586k3NyX2ChGwssaXwMUOX-uEgOBCoEBnQWaPVv8qnpl1mT-5OvncVAjRI/s200/a.jpg" width="134" /></a></div>Your three year old is totally content playing the the sandbox and swings. But as you watch, you wonder how will you ever tell him that his birthmother abandoned him in a public place prior to adoption?<br />
<br />
You've been able to avoid questions about your 10 year old's birthmother, but lately, she's been asking a lot of questions. How do you tell her that birthmother was addicted to drugs?<br />
<br />
Your teenager seems to have a really short fuse lately. Could it be because you told him that he is the only one of his birthmother's children that she placed for adoption? Maybe telling him wasn't the right thing to do...<br />
<br />
Adoption is an amazing experience that comes with some sadness along the way; especially when there are difficult parts to your child's story. Your natural instinct is to shield your child and maintain innocence as long as possible. You try to focus on the happiness he's brought to your family. Is it ever ok to avoid, or just plain bury, sad truths of the past?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4eq6bK8nd2gJdL__M_uDhTHXNRmc1DEpSfS1E0hgx_gZ2FpQZsww-0E_lwBrZ6ZaBQJsPxf2U0GWSjJFd7Xny1YX6PGHi18rpAgTGxvpT1zlDL-cGuTLtsEkHKEeAVklhV0p5tc5n0bM/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4eq6bK8nd2gJdL__M_uDhTHXNRmc1DEpSfS1E0hgx_gZ2FpQZsww-0E_lwBrZ6ZaBQJsPxf2U0GWSjJFd7Xny1YX6PGHi18rpAgTGxvpT1zlDL-cGuTLtsEkHKEeAVklhV0p5tc5n0bM/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div><strong>Should You Tell All?</strong><br />
"During my 30 years working in the field, I've never seen information an <em>adult </em>adoptee shouldn't know," says Ronny Diamond, an adoption therapist and director of the adoption consultation team at Spence-Chapin, in New York City. But that doesn't mean you tell it all at once.<br />
<br />
When considering what information to share, and when, ask yourself: ‘Why don't we talk about this?'" Is it because you think he's not ready to know, or because <em>you're</em> not ready to tell him? <br />
<br />
Be sensitive to share information in ways that are appropriate to your child's age, maturity, and understanding. "Children are entitled to information, but that doesn't mean a parent needs to say everything at once," says Diamond. "Parents have the responsibility to make decisions in the child's best interest, including what to share and when and how to share it." <br />
<br />
Preschoolers are unable to understand abstract concepts or cultural prejudices. They don't know how babies are made, so they can't make sense of rape/prostitution. Experts disagree as to when older children should be told painful personal information. But no matter how you choose to approach this difficult task, is is important that you tell your child the story of his past at some point. "It's not a parent's job to keep information from a child," says Diamond. "It's the parents' job to help the child make sense of that information." You do that by explaining things in a positive, understandable way, by answering any questions your child asks, and by providing the context, as well as unconditional love and support, to help her begin to make sense of her birth family's actions. <br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihXaDCpbTXPfYu4TdSrcNtLnEROLRi_kY4RujyjGxpzSkV5BQyDisD__FBC0RCFAJEqKYu13M5H1RiDIPrQEwPHaGIs-nHkpM8vvkuJrns8l0wPWGtm8B3PfxyxNl3zsLrHTmRzAyZ1Bw/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihXaDCpbTXPfYu4TdSrcNtLnEROLRi_kY4RujyjGxpzSkV5BQyDisD__FBC0RCFAJEqKYu13M5H1RiDIPrQEwPHaGIs-nHkpM8vvkuJrns8l0wPWGtm8B3PfxyxNl3zsLrHTmRzAyZ1Bw/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a><strong>Preschool: Telling the Story!</strong></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">There are two important parts to sharing adoption information with preschoolers. First, tell the child's story as a story, not as a list of facts. If "Once upon a time..." catches your child's interest - which it probably will - go from there. Just make sure your child understands that, unlike a fairy tale, this story is true.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>Second: <em>no lies</em>. Sometimes it can be tempting to embellish an adoption story. But anything you say may be taken and remembered as fact, so leave the story unaltered. " <br />
<br />
Limit negative details at this tender age, too. "You wouldn't explain rape and incest to a six-year-old," says adoption therapist Brenda McCreight. "So why talk about such things in relation to the child's own life?" <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpjCC3A9A2jLQflU07PaqIJzqaIZ6QjlLx9NubY-d0Cx_aErCFZKkx_KrNwTUmTWRtMdvcMZN3BoZ7b1kUaAjYSKZYkmkg1mM14GFrRGDC8VXIM_CLu4RkkztkN7wEo9I3qL_RzavS4Os/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpjCC3A9A2jLQflU07PaqIJzqaIZ6QjlLx9NubY-d0Cx_aErCFZKkx_KrNwTUmTWRtMdvcMZN3BoZ7b1kUaAjYSKZYkmkg1mM14GFrRGDC8VXIM_CLu4RkkztkN7wEo9I3qL_RzavS4Os/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div><strong>Marvleous Middle Years</strong><br />
Around age seven to nine, children make huge leaps cognitively. They understand more abstract concepts and will probably have more questions about their adoption story. Although kids this age seem young and tender, they're pretty resilient, and this is often an ideal age for sharing or revisiting thorny realities.<br />
<br />
Older elementary school kids haven't quite entered the volitile stages of adolescence. They're still talking to you—and listening to you! They're able to process new information about their past before defining their identities as teens <br />
. <br />
Keep in mind that each child processes information at his own pace. But at this stage, a child can understand the social context of his birthparents adoption decision. Learning about the social conditions that may have lead to infant abandonment, or extreme poverty, drug or alcohol addiction, or prejudice against unwed mothers, can be very important in helping a child try to make sense of his past. <br />
<br />
And please-don't forget to balance facts with feelings and speculation. If you are someone comfortable with hard facts, try to ask open-ended, emotional questions. In cases of abandonment, you may say: "I wish we knew more about your birthparents! Does it ever make you mad that we don't?" If a child's biological siblings are being raised by his birthparents, you could say: "I wonder how your life would have been different if your birth family had been able to raise you?" I would probably end each question with a positive reinforcement of how happy and blessed you feel to have your child as part of your family. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeikaJFrGfh9x_axCQHPoBB1_z7GBje-CmgabMVakkfXdL8xhmi5BlW0_8EHDNhnJyZB_qgPX8Yx6RChxuPiVf41hJ9pS-uc-FmvRVERNBhUjtHsbmE74GvADOtaqFPH02vaCkdWIt62s/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeikaJFrGfh9x_axCQHPoBB1_z7GBje-CmgabMVakkfXdL8xhmi5BlW0_8EHDNhnJyZB_qgPX8Yx6RChxuPiVf41hJ9pS-uc-FmvRVERNBhUjtHsbmE74GvADOtaqFPH02vaCkdWIt62s/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><strong>Buck Up and Be the Messenger</strong> <br />
In most situations, with most children, adoption experts agree that adoption information - especially the difficult stuff - is best shared by the child's parents. After all, you are the people who love him and he trusts you. Parents may benefit from consulting a therapist for advice on what to say, how to say it, and to otherwise prepare for challenging conversations. (I know we have!) <br />
<br />
<strong></strong> <br />
<strong>Compassion...Compassion...Compassion!</strong> <br />
Thoughtful discussions throughout childhood will help your child develop compassion for families in difficult circumstances—families like their birth families—without the resources to cope. The goal is not to excuse neglect, abuse, or other hurtful behavior. In fact, it's wise to validate your child's negative feelings. If your child reacts by saying, "I hate my birthparents!", don't rush into an explanation of why they shouldn't hate them or why they have problems. A gentle "I understand" can work wonders. The rest can come later. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBJSRU_kIW1m5Csm_wp2D8p_VXqV1hZQ6V_rDWPiNkA6Z7EngyLrJUGDd9zCcYk7r-7wBhH6hlL2Na1VoO2iLm4LRNuZeWehPGu6VyMkS9awuM9_ockkOPP_3xqNcwMlvFTUmlCpHEIuw/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBJSRU_kIW1m5Csm_wp2D8p_VXqV1hZQ6V_rDWPiNkA6Z7EngyLrJUGDd9zCcYk7r-7wBhH6hlL2Na1VoO2iLm4LRNuZeWehPGu6VyMkS9awuM9_ockkOPP_3xqNcwMlvFTUmlCpHEIuw/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div>One adoptive mother in the Milwaukee area has always been open with her twin sons about the fact that their parents' alcohol abuse led to their leaving the boys in a burning apartment. She tells her boys that their birthparents must have been very loving when they weren't drinking, because the boys were so affectionate when they joined their adoptive family. "I guess I'm trying to help them see alcohol as the culprit, not their birthparents," says this mom. What a wise woman! <br />
<br />
Ultimately, says Diamond, "We want our children to be able to say, ‘My birthparents did the best they could. And placing me was the best they could." </div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-90352342771202789502011-03-31T22:39:00.000-06:002011-03-31T22:39:53.634-06:00In the words of Wayne Dyer...“Judgements Prevent Us From Seeing the Good That Lies Beyond Appearances”<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUQaHF-BVFeG5f4_y_mX_EjoAMUJfGwiQCnvgMWvxwH6yF4MCAhNvVUeq2-Q53h6DHevnDVRbiNUCJacB-F07cdoM_rpwwYHqwI9DvVtxKAaNRhi2zGOYUqDQTx5gcZb3SqibMmckrkbY/s1600/ball-of-life.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUQaHF-BVFeG5f4_y_mX_EjoAMUJfGwiQCnvgMWvxwH6yF4MCAhNvVUeq2-Q53h6DHevnDVRbiNUCJacB-F07cdoM_rpwwYHqwI9DvVtxKAaNRhi2zGOYUqDQTx5gcZb3SqibMmckrkbY/s200/ball-of-life.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>I heard a quote this week that really struck a chord with me:<br />
<br />
"<em>We are all just one circumstance away from really bad situations."</em><br />
<br />
It made me think, on many levels. It's true for me. And probably true for you. And definitely true for the birthmothers we work with. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2hD9lANjMJ-m17ypV1ZePHRxiyi_V3bOvqQoGVvVT_XA0vul9EkGI5JPZG8g-PfxzPpm4-Zn3kwYC8omFtsfOETTthN0PPPmb9Hi0_tmzdRbTPPZR6l-L0bcPVMot_eGhyphenhyphencv-tgctylM/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2hD9lANjMJ-m17ypV1ZePHRxiyi_V3bOvqQoGVvVT_XA0vul9EkGI5JPZG8g-PfxzPpm4-Zn3kwYC8omFtsfOETTthN0PPPmb9Hi0_tmzdRbTPPZR6l-L0bcPVMot_eGhyphenhyphencv-tgctylM/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Adoption brings a child born to other parents into a new family. Birth parents have a number of reasons for placing children for adoption. In the end, it's usually because they want better lives for their children than they feel they can provide.<br />
<br />
Children who are placed for adoption come from many different circumstances. Still, we encounter people who think it is okay to say whatever they want about a child's birth parents; the very people that gave your child life - and gave you the opportunity to be a parent. So, why do people think it is okay to speculate about the choices of birth parents? There are those who seem to believe that the only women who would place a baby for adoption are young, single, and poor. While that profile might fit some birth mothers, it certainly does not fit all.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKzvxwRMaW1U_TqfhATDWHz70TAX4XypFnfuvrAR-czkIvMDb4j7prwiBI0I6q-xFVEYz1KU3Zy7mfdzPXNTgyeKGUQcES44vxplyUpTs5O96qRspxww1Vlq8hJwD-ZQq-bymIYlONI4Q/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKzvxwRMaW1U_TqfhATDWHz70TAX4XypFnfuvrAR-czkIvMDb4j7prwiBI0I6q-xFVEYz1KU3Zy7mfdzPXNTgyeKGUQcES44vxplyUpTs5O96qRspxww1Vlq8hJwD-ZQq-bymIYlONI4Q/s200/a.jpg" width="131" /></a></div>There are others who assume that the baby was "conceived in sin" because he was born to an unwed mother. Perhaps his birth mother was involved with an abusive man and placed her baby for adoption to protect him from abuse. Perhaps the birth mother already had more children than she could care for on a limited income and wanted to provide a better life for the baby. Perhaps the birth mother had a surprise pregnancy late in life and was not physically/emotionally/financially healthy enough to raise another child. There are those who have cognitive delays or mental/emotional illness. Many come from a family steeped in generations of bad choices and/or addiction, and part of a cycle that's difficult to break. It isn't a pretty picture. Placing their child for adoption is the first step for most in breaking a tough cycle.<br />
<br />
There is a certain segment of our society that says, "If you want to be successful then all you have to do is work hard and make the right choices". That sounds nice, but if your reality is dysfunctional family and lack of support, poor education, low socioeconomic factors and lack of opportunity, it is difficult make seemingly right choices. They aren't available to you. There are some who do it, but those very few usually have someone in their life helping them make the right choice and offering the opportunity. This isn't an excuse for their behavior, but a look into why things happen this way. <br />
<br />
Working in adoption, we have access to more than average amount of information on birth parents, and it's often quite clear how a birth mother's choices led her to where she is. And to be honest, I feel for them - I really do. Because most of them are really good, caring women who love their children. But usually they have no family support. They rarely have examples of functional parenting/family life, and most are doing the very best they can with what they know.<br />
<br />
<em>If one circumstance had been different, they'd probably be in very different situation.</em><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7jEMLJ0Uv0M1q-GhcNqOLX-l0Li_ghjO1s1pnQZ6KDYEcCMu2S0mxawuooVuQ2XS7YzLwGKYFUM3Bd_3xQ5Oq6lqC3Bl7rEyJ4BfwlptfYJdsUevnT6VI627cmhbiHPlTu98dxNaYTLM/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7jEMLJ0Uv0M1q-GhcNqOLX-l0Li_ghjO1s1pnQZ6KDYEcCMu2S0mxawuooVuQ2XS7YzLwGKYFUM3Bd_3xQ5Oq6lqC3Bl7rEyJ4BfwlptfYJdsUevnT6VI627cmhbiHPlTu98dxNaYTLM/s200/a.jpg" width="193" /></a></div>The people who inhabit that universe do not have the same world view as us. The rules that provided us with edcuation, jobs, homes, stability, etc., don't exist in their world. They spend every day just surviving. They don't <i>live - they survive</i>. This may seem to be oversimplifying things, because there are many factors that go into making people the way they are, but it helps our ability to understand things a little more clearly. They simply live in a different lifestyle than most of us do. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDp7sXAA_iaMN5zxIKSjz0gGH87p5SoA2FRkn6o0OepFil6Q_r7WsaGuSH0TGo-GjGID2TRiQgBnfQISptloy0R56MjnoLv2BopJYNBe-w-ZovbFC1JR6tUP5OKQdF4hCxZlDGoX9D1Qs/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDp7sXAA_iaMN5zxIKSjz0gGH87p5SoA2FRkn6o0OepFil6Q_r7WsaGuSH0TGo-GjGID2TRiQgBnfQISptloy0R56MjnoLv2BopJYNBe-w-ZovbFC1JR6tUP5OKQdF4hCxZlDGoX9D1Qs/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>It all comes down to this: I know I can't get through the day without support from family and friends. And when I have a crisis - big or small - I am surrounded by people who are ready and willing to help. When I have a question about my kids, there are people I can call on for help/advice. <span class="goog_qs-tidbit-1">I can only imagine how hard it is for parents with little </span>support and multiple challenges.<br />
As one of my daughter's birthmother told me, "I've made a lot of bad choices in my life, but placing this baby is the best one I've ever made. And one I will always be proud of." <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio75DOypLXavk0uZQ9DZPhbsh2j8-_WJ22gLc8kI5tF7zqjxljMX5MA16sPQeZwtbXy3r2DkqkK4fir2lymUqvllYw7O2k-DrbnXpwbdl3rY19a7_Rcn1Wyx9hpmrgVahsyiQ7es4As2U/s1600/a.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio75DOypLXavk0uZQ9DZPhbsh2j8-_WJ22gLc8kI5tF7zqjxljMX5MA16sPQeZwtbXy3r2DkqkK4fir2lymUqvllYw7O2k-DrbnXpwbdl3rY19a7_Rcn1Wyx9hpmrgVahsyiQ7es4As2U/s1600/a.bmp" /></a></div>Consider that next time there is frustration about a birthparent and their seemingly long trail of poor choices. If you are lucky enough to be the parent of an adopted child, you know that the birthparent has made one incredible, amazing, selfless choice - placing that baby in your family and giving you the greatest gift ever -- the privilege of being "mom" or "dad'. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
So maybe next time there are judgments being made about a birthparent, exercise a little tolerance. Appreciation. And maybe even just . . . love.<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEF9YnyxHTf_JHIcawH_0gRL3_5Zw_4bR33rik1jlX1JqdoPNwC9E6s85r_JFAWio2tTtggN_7xWgm2iLJle8QZjfAwSZYwf5gu65Bk-vnhIxo3yeygK14HApwLRm6oP3ukaPkpsb8aXY/s1600/a.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEF9YnyxHTf_JHIcawH_0gRL3_5Zw_4bR33rik1jlX1JqdoPNwC9E6s85r_JFAWio2tTtggN_7xWgm2iLJle8QZjfAwSZYwf5gu65Bk-vnhIxo3yeygK14HApwLRm6oP3ukaPkpsb8aXY/s1600/a.bmp" /></a></div></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-1852291109048613062011-03-25T18:52:00.001-06:002011-03-26T19:53:17.888-06:0010 Tips From Parents Of ... Nineteen?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">When you raise a child, you learn every day. When you raise 19, you learn a lot - every day. Like 'em or not, agree with them or not, the Duggar Family have 19 pretty well adjusted, well spoken, well behaved, and well adjusted children - even in the opinion of top experts. Here are 10 lessons that all parents can learn from this surprisingly normal, and exceptionally large clan: <br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.ivstatic.com/files/et/imagecache/636/files/slides/duggars-860_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="The Duggars Know Best: Parenting Lessons From America's Biggest TV Family" border="0" class="nohide" height="240" id="main-img" itxtbad="1" itxtnodeid="641" src="http://www.ivstatic.com/files/et/imagecache/636/files/slides/duggars-860_1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><em><strong>Lesson 1: Ask for Help When You Need It</strong></em><br />
Michelle likes to tell the story of when she “only” had seven kids, and the laundry pile was more than she could handle. She was exhausted from staying up until two in the morning trying to get the situation under control, and finally, in desperation, mentioned the challenge and her need to a friend. To her surprise, the friend admitted to actually enjoying laundry, and offered to come over to help Michelle catch up. Sometimes it feels silly to be overwhelmed by things like laundry or dinner prep but those frustrations are real and can add up and can make parenthood a dark place to be at times.</div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><strong><em>Lesson 2: Budget.</em></strong></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQR58e3BHIAaY23YbpuGKuxQOe_XOiXWUGS-bkOF-cNecrmKJOo" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; height: 132px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 227px;"><img border="0" class="rg_hi" data-height="184" data-width="275" height="133" id="rg_hi" src="http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQR58e3BHIAaY23YbpuGKuxQOe_XOiXWUGS-bkOF-cNecrmKJOo" style="height: 184px; width: 275px;" width="200" /></a>Let's be honest here: if you've been through adoption, budget <em>is</em> a big deal. Michelle Duggar is big on heading to the consignment store and buying used - and there's certainly no shortage of hand me downs in their home. "It took us 7 years to get debt free," said Michelle, whose take on budgeting is "buy used and save the difference." (In fact, I think they refer to it as their family motto!)</div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><strong><em>Lesson 3: Dole out the chores.</em></strong></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: right; color: black; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><a href="data:image/jpg;base64,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" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" class="rg_hi" data-height="128" data-width="115" height="128" id="rg_hi" src="data:image/jpg;base64,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" style="height: 128px; width: 115px;" width="115" /></a>With all the kids helping out, chores can be an easy routine. The kids are responsible for a specific area of the home (Michelle calls it a “jurisdiction”) and receive age-appropriate responsibilities. Even the youngest members of the family can do things like pick up toys or wipe off a table, and everyone earns prizes or monetary rewards for doing their part. Older kids who go above and beyond their assigned chores can earn extra money. Michelle says one of the best parts of their chore system is watching the older kids help out the younger kids and seeing the younger ones yearn for the same responsibility the older ones have earned. Now believe me, I've heard the arguments that the Duggar children work "too much" and are "raising each other", so take the part of the advice that works for you - literally. Children do need to learn the value of work - and team work within a family - so find the way that is healthiest within your home.</div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><strong><em>Lesson 4: Teach the importance of volunteering.</em></strong></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><strong><em></em></strong><br />
<div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">The Duggars homeschool, so the kids get a lot of knowledge through family experiences, whether they're helping remodel a house for a needy family or traveling to Central America to volunteer in orphanages. Michelle and Jim Bob make it a priority to give them opportunities to serve and learn and give back to the community -- and they've got well-rounded, world-citizen kids as a result.<br />
<br />
<strong><em>Lesson 5: Make your marriage a priority.</em></strong></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">Raising kids can be a strain on any marriage. And I believe adoption is a little extra strain at times. To keep their relationship in check, Michelle and Bob make regular weekly dates a top priority. Maintaining a strong relationship makes them better able to be great parents.</div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwJ6octfttS0QAE9FJi6Kzs-g15zYUpxyXrDq8z4FVVk-qajj0BO194x-sfedRsLBuLtK2NZIOuylaPEsbGqXbtSmspX6iWFj2TA07iWwI9qSl0Vhyphenhyphenj4mZlGTTq3iDYm9cZjarjtKIvnY/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwJ6octfttS0QAE9FJi6Kzs-g15zYUpxyXrDq8z4FVVk-qajj0BO194x-sfedRsLBuLtK2NZIOuylaPEsbGqXbtSmspX6iWFj2TA07iWwI9qSl0Vhyphenhyphenj4mZlGTTq3iDYm9cZjarjtKIvnY/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><strong><em>Lesson 6: Discipline with loads of patience.</em></strong></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">Somehow the Duggars make all that discipline business look easy. They keep their cool when the kids act up and speak in soft, gentle voices. Michelle's philosophy is “to praise our children ten times more than we correct them.” And I do think the speak softly philosophy is a great tool and great example.</div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglGW_fWe1wkumlqdwctG13xdELBD3MbMRoHwYmwNsoTOqhxD1xZxAAC8gv3cVC_o-lfwi3vsh600AIGNLZhJVNFA_1opETNnQZDwmJ46CQ0W_XLHzq_HvfFa3onsLUhmjjhpztxgYom0Y/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglGW_fWe1wkumlqdwctG13xdELBD3MbMRoHwYmwNsoTOqhxD1xZxAAC8gv3cVC_o-lfwi3vsh600AIGNLZhJVNFA_1opETNnQZDwmJ46CQ0W_XLHzq_HvfFa3onsLUhmjjhpztxgYom0Y/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><strong><em>Lesson 7: Let them think they chose dinner.</em></strong></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">It’s hard to please 19 palettes, but the Duggars make everyone happy by serving their meals buffet-style so picky eaters can survey the options and enjoy the meal too. And of course, they eat all three meals together, at the same (absolutely enormous) table. And once again....take a look at the studies that show the many benefits of family dinner time.</div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><strong><em>Lesson 8: Always make time for family.</em></strong></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">Michelle's top priority as a stay-at-home mom isn't to get all the laundry done or have a steaming hot dinner on the table when her husband comes home from work -- instead it's to build strong relationships with each and every child by playing with them, talking through hardships with them and guiding them through life. </div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL8B__MV6Wvsx2zbPgl56nCmyTANqRHAX7ewsYxVxCyJwB_UXbr2_yhR-OuSzgUSDpbeniHjtg-vWUcy9GMTgxTodmJKjqecG5hOzYWwoZkv25ig45UqOimijG-LcurFNFjSXDFSQUleY/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="131" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL8B__MV6Wvsx2zbPgl56nCmyTANqRHAX7ewsYxVxCyJwB_UXbr2_yhR-OuSzgUSDpbeniHjtg-vWUcy9GMTgxTodmJKjqecG5hOzYWwoZkv25ig45UqOimijG-LcurFNFjSXDFSQUleY/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><strong><em>Lesson 9: Help kids maintain a healthy lifestyle.</em></strong><br />
<div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">Vegging out on the couch with a Wii or Playstation? Not the Duggar kids. Michelle and Jim Bob promote a healthy lifestyle and encourage their kids to exercise with them. Just recently, the kids took swimming lessons, and one of their favorite ways to spend time together is at their local rec center playing broomball. Even Michelle -- stay-at-home mom to a million kids -- manages to get up before the kids do to spend a dedicated hour with her elliptical machine. </div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid4qbL7o6Zkq_2ZE_sF68uPHZK6TDbfoca6ed8eIPmTTAY6erhP0a7O05Ujs6Ll4XjfSzieEHgvdIZ0msMBQmUYYFfR_NEMAlQp-7pCd2Ms8nxdUCN8nEgsdRQRiTDAXFk8pqWgRdAF7A/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="197" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid4qbL7o6Zkq_2ZE_sF68uPHZK6TDbfoca6ed8eIPmTTAY6erhP0a7O05Ujs6Ll4XjfSzieEHgvdIZ0msMBQmUYYFfR_NEMAlQp-7pCd2Ms8nxdUCN8nEgsdRQRiTDAXFk8pqWgRdAF7A/s200/a.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><strong><em>Lesson 10: Celebrate birthdays.* (*and I would add to that "Gotcha Days"-the day your child joined your family- "Finalization Celebration", "Match Date" - the day you were matched with birthmom, etc. Any day your family celebrates specific to adoption!)</em></strong></div><strong><em></em></strong></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">Planning birthday parties for 19 kids can get old fast, but whether their kids are turning 8 or 18, the Duggars always celebrate their children’s birthdays. Year after year, it’s one of the many ways Michelle and Jim Bob show their kids how much they love them. In addition to cake, there have been bounce houses and costume parties and once, for daughter Joy-Anna, a train ride. There's no such thing as birthday burnout at the Duggar house. <br />
<br />
Now...do I agree with everything the Duggars do? No. But are there things about them that I respect, and things I have learned from them - for good or bad? Absolutely. </div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">As parents, no matter how we arrived here, we can all learn from each other. So take what you like, or what you can tweak to fit into your life, and apply it if you so desire. </div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><div style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><em><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Adaopted from an article by Emilee Cassee</span></em></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3362905730371708237.post-22290015911101949672011-03-17T12:02:00.000-06:002011-03-17T12:02:27.245-06:00Role Models in Adoption<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Everyone needs a role model. They teach us about ourselves. In children, they help to define what they feel is important and meaningful. Sometimes children compare themselves, and when they believe that they share characteristics, it can help them to believe in themselves. If they find similarities in the person they admire—in any way—it is easier to believe that they are ok themselves and provide an important kinship.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKbJnyMUzHRE6w2LJerPC6VBBeR9p3Ndmi5UQYSFSjzqhpRbFQUKGYCxc0GH5F1GkNAzPCyCcEwikGkxAVK0yf9wEL2ElhcMLSnH_EOVFCqP6fxZxFFFq8Zs-RKgnVDxanpRgB1WJpfVA/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKbJnyMUzHRE6w2LJerPC6VBBeR9p3Ndmi5UQYSFSjzqhpRbFQUKGYCxc0GH5F1GkNAzPCyCcEwikGkxAVK0yf9wEL2ElhcMLSnH_EOVFCqP6fxZxFFFq8Zs-RKgnVDxanpRgB1WJpfVA/s1600/a.jpg" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Role models can help teach: </div><ul><li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><b>Character</b> - helping define what we admire and value, and maybe over time, what we feel is less important.</li>
<li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><b>Possibilities</b> - we may not have thought we could obtain and which inspire us to keep trying and keep hoping. </li>
<li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><b>Strategies</b> - in handling life’s challenges. This helps us think we, too, can overcome obstacles. </li>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPioiyh0lxoenr5-d4lm7-9Zy4-3FYB44q6I0H6jH8Gu87KCvbH_5x8FUliRS26xJdUpcr0K6ul41tU-PybKRORW7ahyGGfONHjneGj6pWTIV75ECMWYOtmS5suthwDLrWRSNsKkJTEK4/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPioiyh0lxoenr5-d4lm7-9Zy4-3FYB44q6I0H6jH8Gu87KCvbH_5x8FUliRS26xJdUpcr0K6ul41tU-PybKRORW7ahyGGfONHjneGj6pWTIV75ECMWYOtmS5suthwDLrWRSNsKkJTEK4/s200/a.jpg" width="156" /></a></div><li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><b>Goals</b> - we may not have even dare set for ourselves if we didn't have a role model to inspire us! </li>
</ul>Role models who are also adoptees are especially important for children. Adoption is a different experience that is not shared with everyone. It can affect a child’s self-esteem and we know that during certain times of their lives, children may feel adoption somehow makes them less valuable. Role models help them to realize that there are millions of adoptees - and the majority grow up to be happy and successful. Sometimes adoption provides an opportunity to make children more resilient, or help them develop skills/interests they may not have otherwise.<br />
<br />
<br />
It is important to provide them with opportunities to make connections with adoptees, regardless of whether their adoption stories are similar or not. Consider the fact that Washington D.C. Mayor Anthony Williams can inspire every child, though few will share a common adoption story. Children can be empowered by learning how he incorporated his identity as an adoptee with the successful person he is today.<br />
<br />
Did you know that these successful people are all adoptees? <br />
<ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYsNtzwXbkd9o0Gd6fik96HCPxxFQ_MJlKLj_2G_pCTGTuUjIz9ARavwQVgz4lYgYep1GVxlKzIiCP4Lj_0L2hWZ1XrRYLdEV2sQ1klgZM3UV8LHJlp7nImIHi1grt7qffhA2LDH4TfeE/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYsNtzwXbkd9o0Gd6fik96HCPxxFQ_MJlKLj_2G_pCTGTuUjIz9ARavwQVgz4lYgYep1GVxlKzIiCP4Lj_0L2hWZ1XrRYLdEV2sQ1klgZM3UV8LHJlp7nImIHi1grt7qffhA2LDH4TfeE/s200/a.jpg" width="153" /></a></div><li><i>Sarah McLachlan</i> - a musician, songwriter, performer and winner of two Grammy Awards. She and her two older brothers were adopted.</li>
<li><i>Edward Albe</i>e -Playwright</li>
<li><i>John J. Audubon</i> – Naturalist</li>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3bnVefE3ARIJlYHFw4NdkzGVIyabJyCAKDodqFUfhx6IR91wh9A9RdDD1uz2_d5jzZJg-qf6mF6PZ5D_JFrGVXnFCRkW8lzldhFq9rjJFRAIJRadSkJL4B3Z8mYXhTpqR2VnRN3i1Ny4/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3bnVefE3ARIJlYHFw4NdkzGVIyabJyCAKDodqFUfhx6IR91wh9A9RdDD1uz2_d5jzZJg-qf6mF6PZ5D_JFrGVXnFCRkW8lzldhFq9rjJFRAIJRadSkJL4B3Z8mYXhTpqR2VnRN3i1Ny4/s200/a.jpg" width="120" /></a></div><li><i>Surya Bonaly</i> – Olympic Figure Skater</li>
<li><i>Peter and Kitty Carruthers</i> – Olympic Skaters</li>
<li><i>Christina Crawford</i> – Author</li>
<li><i>Daunte Culpepper</i> – football players, Minnesota Vikings</li>
<li><i>Faith Daniels</i> - TV News Personality</li>
<li><i>Eric Dickerson</i> - Pro Football Player</li>
<li><i>Melissa Gilbert </i>- Actor</li>
<li><i>Scott Hamilton</i> – Olympic Skater</li>
<li><i>Faith Hill</i> - Singer </li>
<li><i>Steve Jobs</i> - Founder, Apple Computer</li>
<li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><i>Art Linkletter</i> - TV Personality</li>
<li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><i>Charlotte Anne Lopez</i> - Miss Teen USA</li>
<li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKcPU5REZIrLQthuy91zxFjx0paO7rVRJzYBdbxSkeg7bptAL55kwimLuD-JmlZY8fdthcoo0ZCI63UOHWlUddDv4g_Yy43hN8oFn8VZjpkJDzxerfhRLNukkuMy4sNS5_Fqt9Nw3d8yc/s1600/a.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKcPU5REZIrLQthuy91zxFjx0paO7rVRJzYBdbxSkeg7bptAL55kwimLuD-JmlZY8fdthcoo0ZCI63UOHWlUddDv4g_Yy43hN8oFn8VZjpkJDzxerfhRLNukkuMy4sNS5_Fqt9Nw3d8yc/s1600/a.bmp" /></a><i>Greg Louganis</i> - Olympic Diver</li>
<li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><i>James Michener</i> - Author</li>
<li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><i>Tom Monaghan</i> - Founder, Domino’s Pizza</li>
<li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><i>Dan O’Brien</i> - Olympic Gold Medalist</li>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTnckqh9F-u81MeTO8qnNJct8A5lYW1WsrLA8ZlY8nWadchilqAj8axCGNQGFlcN8lGHe6TH5HIUJu0QOLnvtc6eswj-imdXKpRVt-5QpAsi89-aTOc7WLm73U_PG3QkpU5_lFQ8A7RN4/s1600/a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTnckqh9F-u81MeTO8qnNJct8A5lYW1WsrLA8ZlY8nWadchilqAj8axCGNQGFlcN8lGHe6TH5HIUJu0QOLnvtc6eswj-imdXKpRVt-5QpAsi89-aTOc7WLm73U_PG3QkpU5_lFQ8A7RN4/s200/a.jpg" width="133" /></a></div><li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><em>Jim Palmer</em> - Pro Baseball Player</li>
<li style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><em>Dave Thomas</em> - Founder, Wendy’s </li>
</ul><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Because of the way adoption is portrayed in literature, the media, and Hollywood; children are likely to be unaware of how common it is for adoptees to grow up as successful, “normal” adults. Strive to surround them with that message. We can educate the world about the overwhelming success of adoptees. We can let EVERYONE know that there are many adoptees—some famous, others who are not—who can be role models for all! </div></div>Shellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18383808699213200338noreply@blogger.com2